Welcome! Today’s episode features TWO guests, Amy Lang and Dr. Jen O’Ryan. Amy is a sexuality educator who helps parents have conversations with kids about healthy sexuality; she previously joined us for Episodes 8 and 33. Jen holds a PhD in human behavior and specifically works with children and adolescents in gender minorities, especially LGBTQ kids. She joined us for Episode 35. These conversations were prompted by the important talking points which emerged from two recent news stories: the Stanford rape case and the Orlando nightclub shooting. Join us for these important conversations!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

From Amy:

• The Stanford case boils down to consent: How do we help our kids be smarter than that?
• Bad decisions and entitlement: a dangerous mix
• Teach kids about consent: Use the words permission, asking and giving, and agreement.
• When everyone is “out of their heads,” there is NO CONSENT!
• Yes means YES. No means NO. Stop means STOP!
• With young kids, respect their right to say no to unwanted hugs/kisses; as adults, ASK for a hug/kiss.
• How to use transition phrases to awkward moments
• “Tricky people”
  • Be explicit with kids about family rules.
  • Plant seeds about sexuality conversations.
  • Teach them NOT to expect entitlement.
• Amy’s book about dating, to help kids figure out their dating values (See Resources below)
• Why we need to model conflict resolution for our kids
• “Yes” girls and red flags in dating—Are you ready for sex?
• Be open, available, and neutral for your kids.

From Jen:

• With news of any tragedy, it’s better to give kids small pieces of information that they can process rather than overwhelm them with ALL the details.
• How to “check in” with your LGBTQ kids
• Jen’s experience in London this week with a drag queen show paying tribute to the Orlando victims
• Adults have communities and support systems in place, but most kids don’t.
• The human element of these victims: brother, sisters, sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, etc.
• Social change is a product of humanization.
• The verbage to use? LGBTQ, queer, etc.
• Remember that kids process information at different speeds than adults.
• Have conversations with kids about safety, dangers, reassurance, and empowerment.
• The best response is always unity and solidarity.
• With 5-7 year olds: listen and watch how they play, and make space for them to express feelings.
• With older kids: create safe spaces for them to talk, and check for signs of depression or social withdrawal.
• It’s OK to talk about it!

Resources:

Dating Smarts: What Every Teen Needs to Know to Date, Relate, or Wait by Amy Lang

www.birdsandbeesandkids.com

www.birdsandbeescourse.com (Amy’s new online course for parents!)

www.savvyparentssafekids.com

Tea Consent video (on youtube!)

www.mykidcameout.com  (Jen’s website with resources, blog, and email info. Find her on Facebook, too!)

Healthy Sex Talk: Teaching Kids Consent, ages 1-21

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

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Click here for more information about PARENT COACHING with Casey and to book your exploratory call!

So happy to welcome Maria Dismondy to the show for my June BONUS episode!!  Maria is an award winning author and has written many books for children that engage and inspire them to consider the skills needed to be a good friend and problem solver.  She spent time in the classroom before having her own children, and uses her time in schools to inform what she writes about in her books.

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Maria's books:

The Littlest Linebacker - A Story of Determination
Chocolate Milk Por Favor - Celebrating Diversity with Empathy
Spoonful of Sweetness - and Other Delicious Manners
Pink Tiara Cookies for Three
Spaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun - Having the Courage to be Who You Are
The Juice Box Bully - Empowering Kids to Stand Up for Others
The Potato Chip Champ - Discovering Why Kindness Counts

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Find Maria on You Tube
Follow her on Instagram
Check out her website
Conversation starters from Pinterest

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Want MORE??  Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

Also follow Joyful Courage on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

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Click here for more information about PARENT COACHING with Casey and to book your exploratory call!

Welcome! My guest today is a dear friend, Julietta Skoog, who is a positive discipline trainer. She joined us as a guest on Episode 4 about Family Meetings. It’s hard to believe that we’re here at Episode 48 now! I’m so thrilled to have Julietta back again so that we can all benefit from her wealth of parenting knowledge. She teaches many classes and workshops for parents, in addition to being a school counselor and psychologist in Seattle, where she works with hundreds of students. Her most important parenting work, however, is at home with her children, ages 4 and 7. Today’s topic is all about Toddlers—raising them and dealing with those around us who might not agree with our parenting methods. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Toddlers are biologically driven to explore the world through visual learning and touch.
• We need to find a way to bridge between our world and their world.
• They need to know that you hear them and understand them.
• Connect with them, see them, and hear them.
• With 2-3 year olds, redirection and distraction can be effective tools to move them on to what they need to do next.
• What it means to “get them to the second location”
• With older toddlers, use curiosity questions and give them a wait time.
• With younger toddlers, limit their choices to ones that you’re ok with.
• Mutual respect is essential—even with toddlers!
• Help them get excited about the next step with PLAY.
• Use deep firmness and structure.
• How should we handle destructive behaviors?
  • Speak consistently
  • Model connection and firmness
  • Supervise!
• Model and help them learn empathy
• Transitions cause anxiety for kids, so do your prevention work!

In dealing with others’ opinions, remember that we’re all challenged as parents; we’re all doing the best we can with the tools we have.

Resources:

www.besproutable.com (Julietta has video examples and other parenting resources.)

Julietta's website l Facebook 

Join the Joyful Courage Facebook group: Live and Love with Courage.

Welcome! My guest today is Kris Prochaska, a former therapist who uses her intuition, diagnostic skills, and ability to read people’s energy. Her desire is to coach women in how to embody sacred leadership at home and at work to listen and live according to their inner voice. Kris was a 2015 TEDxBend speaker and is the author of Life Well Spoken: Free Your Inner Voice and Prosper. She is a busy mom to Anja, 7, and Eli, 11, and is happily married to—and still in love with—her hubby, Mike.

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Kris began her career journey as a therapist, but tired of focusing on what’s “wrong.” She wanted to discover what’s “right”!
• Kris approaches her coaching sessions under the premise that the client really does know best.
• Kris discusses her TED talk experience and the responses she received to her topic: Why don’t we see our kids as equals?
• Kris shares the irony in her TED talk in that she was not in alignment with her natural energy and truth.
• The goal in parenting is NOT to control our kids, but to teach them to use their tools to become their very best.
• Our kids are equally deserving of dignity and respect, but that doesn’t mean there are no limits or boundaries.
• The parenting attitude should be, “What’s in the highest and best good for our family in the long term?”
• We should listen to the voice of our kids and let them be a part of decision-making.
• We’re afraid if we teach them to listen to themselves that they will run rampant.
• The “little voices,”—do YOU hear them? They seek to make you look good, stay safe, and fit in-- -no matter what.
• How do you tell the difference between your “little voices” and your intuition?
• The “little voices” will make you feel small, constricted, and pressured.
• Your true inner voice is expansive, calm, and peaceful.
• Your energy shift can affect those around you.

What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “When we have the courage to step into that inner voice place and what we know, it takes courage to do that over and over again. The returns are infinite. That’s the blessing we give to the world.”

Resources:

www.krisprochaska.com

Find her on Facebook and Instagram: MessyMysticMama.

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Want MORE??  Join the Joyful CourageTribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on iTunes to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast on iTunes to help me spread the show to an ever larger audience!!

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Click here for more information about PARENT COACHING with Casey and to book your exploratory call!

Here is what I got from a listener:

Hey lady!

As I said in my post, Sheane (my teacher ;)) is really volatile right now, and so much of what she's saying is full of disrespect and sass. Oh, and often high volume. It's driving me nuts. I suspect it's because summer is upon us, and she is worried about the transition, having to say goodbye to her teacher, etc., as she's so sensitive so it's freaking her out. If I say, "Please sit down and finish your breakfast" (she gets up several times during mealtimes, mostly to cartwheel), she'll yell, "MOM! Stop telling me that! I was going to!!!" Or, she's started to respond, "I don't care!" or "I don't have to!" Shaun and I have really been working on our tone with each other and the kids, so I feel like we're really modeling ways to disagree, ask questions, etc., without being disrespectful. And, we've been working on our connection with her, each of us committing to ensuring that she is feeling that sense of belonging and significance. So, I'm somewhat stumped now as to where to go with this. Often she's outright saying, "NO!" or is moaning and groaning about every situation, even when choice and inviting language is used. I did just take the "is your child sensitive" quiz that was posted on the FB page, and she scores off the charts. Thoughts? This child is teaching the hell out of me.

So grateful for parents who reach out for support!!  Enjoy this episode of Ask Casey as I do my best to share advice and feedback on this behavior that drives us ALL mad!!

• Back talk video 

• Article on consent – good man project

• “Our kids are doing the best they can with the skills they have.”

• What/How questions

• Connect before correct

• Get curious about your child’s experience too

• Offer the opportunity for a redo

• They need to have the space for you to say “that wasn’t the best way to handle this situation, let’s try it again.”

• Practice being non-attached (don’t take it personally)

• “Tell me about that…” and then LISTEN DEEPLY

• The goal is to help our kids build skills to navigate disappointment in a way that isn’t hurtful to others, themselves or the environment around them.

• Soothing basket PDF

• Hold space for them to be uncomfortable and trust them to get to the other side

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  Listeners!!! Chime in with your thoughts!! What are your tips/thoughts/experiences around setting limits for screen time??

  Join the conversation on the live and love with joyful courage page

  If you have questions for an Ask Casey episode, fill out the form and send it my way!!

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  THANK YOU!!

   

Welcome! My guest today is Dr. Michele Borba, a globally-recognized educational psychologist and parenting, bullying, and character expert. Her aim is to strengthen children’s empathy and resilience to break the cycle of youth violence. She has delivered keynotes and workshops to over 1 million participants on 5 continents and authored 24 books translated into 14 languages. Her latest book is out on June 7, and is titled Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. Parents and educators will benefit greatly from Dr. Borba’s wisdom and insights. Join us!

What you’ll hear in this episode:

• Michele has experience as a special education teacher and working on school shooting prevention and bullying prevention programs.
• Much of the world’s violence narrows down to the primary need of empathy.
• What is empathy? The ability to “feel” with someone, to step in and understand where another person is coming from.
• Empathy has emotional and cognitive components.
• In researching her book, Michele learned from Holocaust rescuers that empathy was modeled for them by their parents, so it was natural for them to care about helping others.
• In the last 30 years, empathy in children has dropped by 40%, while narcissism has increased by 58%.
• Michele explains “The Selfie Syndrome” and how it kills empathy.
• Michele shares the following about learning empathy:
  • It’s a “womb-to-tomb” scenario, so you can start learning at any age.
  • Children are hard-wired for empathy at birth.
  • Infants go through the first step of empathy when they attach to their mothers.
  • Around age 1, emotional literacy begins when a child understands another’s clues to sadness or hurt.
• The problem today is that children are learning to tune in to digital devices and not to each other.
• #1 Tip: Teach your child to look at the color of the eyes of the person speaking to learn to “tune in.”
• Michele’s book teaches activities to cultivate empathy, to listen better, and to stand up to a bully.
• How to teach children the A, B, C’s of recognizing stress
• The “empathy gap” of overwhelmed kids
• Many “self-regulation” techniques are recommended in the book.
• Why we MUST teach coping strategies to our kids!
• How to teach them to take care of someone else’s heart
• Why saying “I’m sorry” is NOT the best option
• Michele gives some baby steps that parents can take as a starting point to increase empathy in their kids.
• “Think Big, Start Small”---choose ONE thing to do
• Michele has “Bully Buster” techniques and skills in the book.
• What does Joyful Courage mean to you? “Joyful Courage is the most wonderful concept you can imagine. Having courage brings real joy. We need to build kids from the inside out. It’s the real miracle point of your heart opening to another.”

Resources:

www.commonsensemedia.org

www.micheleborba.com

Find Dr. Borba on Facebook and Twitter and find her books on Amazon.com.