Eps 185: How to be fiercely committed and lovingly detached

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Today is solo show – woohoo!!  I’ve been missing you all.

 

I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.

 

I was also a guest on the TILT parenting podcast. Long time listeners of JC will know Debbie Reber from episodes 54 and 145. Debbie is the founder of TILT parenting and host of the TILT parenting podcast - http://www.tiltparenting.com/. Debbie and I talk about my book, Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey, and connect the dots around how doing our own work around self control and centering is useful for all parents, whether their children are typically or differently wired. Check out those shows!!!

 

Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”

 

Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.

 

It’s this a powerful come from for parenting?

 

What it means to be fiercely committed?

• Creating the environment
• Meeting their needs
• Advocating for them
• Being kind and firm
• Encouraging them

 

What does it mean to be lovingly detached?

• Allowing them to be who they are
• Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences
• Allowing them to be uncomfortable
• Trusting that they are on THEIR journey
• Letting go
• Giving them responsibility over their lives

 

What gets in the way?

• Our dreams/vision for them
• Our past/failures/mistakes
• Our assumptions
• Our addiction to what other people think
• Our insecurity about “doing it wrong”
• Our emotional regulation (or lack of)
• Our lens of the “right/wrong” way

 

What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?

 

Two list exercise.

• Challenges
  • Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY!
• Gifts
  • Doubt that you have any particular job description…
  • What about “happy”?
    • Can we hope for content?
    • Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency?
    • Can we hope for grounded and empowered?
  • Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.

 

A bit about DO.

• So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO??
• In the moment tools
  • This is a narrow mindset
• PD is a broader lens than in the moment.
  • TRSUT in developing relationship
  • TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter
  • TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence
• In the moment?
  • Keep everyone SAFE
  • Acknowledge your child’s experience
  • Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right

 

They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.

• Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped
• Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice

 

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

 

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

 

Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS.  Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book

 

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

 

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

 

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

 

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Authentic Parenting Conference

Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!

 

I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.

 

If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!

 

Come play with me!!

 

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