Hey everybody!!!! So happy to be back with you for another solo show – SO MUCH HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
When I work with clients, I always start the hour with a grounding meditation, because I think we should ALL be dropping into the present moment more often, and then I ask, “What are you celebrating?”
I love this question because it reminds my clients that there is always something to celebrate, something to look at as a gift. I know that sometimes if feels like a stretch, but when we challenge ourselves to find some gratitude, it shifts the energy, and opens up more possibilities.
I am going to start this show with my own celebrations:
First, I am celebrating all of the LOVE that the community has showered me with throughout this book launch – you people are AMAZING – thank you for the reviews you have written, the SM shout outs, the sweet comments you are sending my way. I do this work for all of us and I am so honored when you let me know that it makes a difference in your life!
Another celebration is that I am getting the opportunity to practice NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY with my kids lately. Like, a lot. Wrapping up the school year, the upcoming move, and a few other life experiences have upped the level of stress at our house, and the kids are navigating it the best they can. I experience them being irritated, withdrawn, annoyed, not wanting to talk to me, like, AT ALL….. Often this type of behavior is very easy to translate into, “why are you TREATING ME LIKE THIS??” or, “It hurts y feelings when you shut me out” which is actually what I said out loud….
And guess what? They are doing the best they can with the tools they have. They are navigating their life right now and the behavior is simply an INDICATOR that they are in it.
It’s not about me. It’s not about me. It’s not about me….
Back to the celebration, I am in the fire of this! I am in the fire of this and THIS is my opportunity to walk my talk. THIS is when it matters that I CHOOSE to tell the story of “it’s not about me” – the goal is to NOT be in a co-dependent relationship with our children, right? So here it is. That chance to separate myself from my child’s experience/behavior and generate the emotions that I WANT to be feeling, regardless of what is happening for her.
Fiercely committed, yes, lovingly detached, always a work in progress.
Ok, are you ready for me to get on with it???
I want to do a follow up show to episode 187. To remind you, that was the show where I got super excited about the Law of Attraction, and specifically about the opportunity to tell a different story and generate a different experience.
I got a lot of curiosity about that show. And I love that, because I just find the who concept of the LOA so fascinating. What I enthusiastically shared about was how we can shift our interpretations of our current situation, and invite in something new and different.
Let me say, which I hope I said in Eps 187 – I am not a mental health expert, NOR am I a LOA expert. I am a gal who is super excited about my own experience with LOA and see that there is some overlap with the parenting journey.
First of all – let’s start with validating that life can be incredible challenging. Most, if not all of us have navigated hardship – this may be financial hardship, painful relationships, mental/physical health issues, painful loss. Some of us are experiencing these things right now. I want to acknowledge you. You may be in the hardest season of life right now. You may be hurting and really unable to see a future that could be any different than the one you are experiencing….
This is a really hard place to be. The last thing you want to hear is “just change your story and everything will be better” – it feels dismissive, as though the big things you are going through are trivial.
I get that.
AND, I am still standing for you. REGARDLESS of what is currently alive for you – and many of you share with me what you are navigating, you 100% have the power to shift the way you are experiencing it, what you believe about it.
And yes, rocks are hard and waters wet. The bills have to be paid. Your children need you. Your teenager is angry. You aren’t getting work. Your relationship sucks.
So here is my question to you – what do you want?
What do you want?
What do you want most?
Is what you want possible? Meaning, “I want to win the lottery” ok, what will that get you – financial freedom, ok….. so what you want is “financial freedom”- what might happen if you spend some time each day believing that things are in motion to bring financial freedom to you? Are you willing to try? What about creating a gratitude practice right now that includes the things that you currently have that you are grateful for – can you imagine the energy you woud be creating if this was a part of your daily experience? Might you spend more time in the mindset of things are ok? Of I have what I need? And might that shift your trajectory towards more opportunities and experiences? And if it doesn’t, how would it change your life to be in gratitude for what is right now?
“I want my kids needs to go away” or “I want my teenager to lose the anger” again, ok, what will that ultimately get you, a feeling of acceptance, ease, and connection? So maybe the request is “I want to feel acceptance, ease and connection” – and again, what might happen if you spent time each day FEELING those things? GENERATING acceptance, ease and connection for yourself, instead of needing it to come from the outside? What happens when we release our children from the job of making US feel a certain way? Might we show up better for them? Without this expectation and need form them to BE a certain way for us to experience good feelings? AND, you show up differently, so will they – we KNOW this! How many times have you had the experience of looking back at the end of the day and doing a face palm over all the times you made situations worse?? I know I am not alone.
Rocks are hard, water is wet – there are things we can’t change, that we can’t manifest away, but there is ALWAYS choice in how we show up to those things, and in that choice, we can be in the creation of something new. In the way we choose to talk about it, according to LOA, we are sending out signals and messages and vibrations that are being responded to in kind by the universe. http://www.thelawofattraction.com/use-law-attraction-combat-depression/
Again, I am not a mental health professional if you have something like depression going on, please seek the advice of a doctor. That being said, how can it hurt anyone to support them in changing the way they see/experience/talk about their life?
And also, again, there is NO BLAME HAPPENING HERE! None. Take what you want from what I shared and leave the rest behind. If you are resistant to what I shared, challenge yourself there. I do thing this is for everyone, available to everyone, and if you feel like this isn’t for you, I simply invite you to dig in there and do some exploring – and ask yourself, “but what if it was?”
You get to design your life, peeps!! And isn’t that so exciting???
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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Today’s guest is Mother's Quest founder, Julie Neale. Julie honors both the meaning and the mess of life and parenthood and believes our children and youth challenge us to grow into our best selves. She is on a mission to live a truly epic life and through her example inspire her children to do the same her for purpose.
Her for-purpose venture Mother's Quest provides inspiration, coaching, and community so that mothers and those who work with young people can connect to support and resources, fulfill their unique purpose and live their epic lives. After a 20 year career as a leader in youth-serving nonprofit organizations, Julie turned her focus to coaching training at the Coaches Training Institute and facilitating a process known as Reflection for youth development professionals. Through this and her parenting experience, she realized that mothers and those who mother need an opportunity to reflect on their own growth, dreams, and plans, and created Mother's Quest to champion them with common care .
She masterfully taps into her own curiosity and intuition to help her clients slow down from the business of life and work, reflect on what matters, clarify a future vision and move into action. In the fall of 2017, she founded the Women Podcasters in Solidarity initiative to raise awareness and dollars for social justice issues through the power of podcasting. The first season focused on anti-racism and police accountability. We're going to talk more about that initiative on today's show. When she's not wrestling with her kindergartner or driving her team to basketball practice, you can find her squeezing in 10 minutes of yoga and meditation, believing something is better than nothing and staying up way too late to watch a double hitter of Handmaid's Tale and Super Soul Sunday. Join us!
"It's the discomfort, I think, is when we know we're really on to something.”
“It really starts with like one step, one conversation and everything flows from there if you stay committed to the process.”
“Just say, ‘I'm not going to forget that this matters.’”
“Perfection is really a tool of white supremacy.”
“Even if you start with just one conversation, one relationship that you build or that you extend yourself out to on a cause that matters to you, that is a really powerful place to start with incredible ripple effect possible.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- The importance of the modeling of continuing to grow and evolve as a human when that's the expectation we have of young people
- The value of holding a growth mindset around conversations about race
- Resources to learn about having conversations about race with our kids
- What is the Women Podcasters In Solidarity Initiative
- Giving our boys permission to cry and have emotion
- The power of conversation to create change
- Lessons learned from social justice activism
- How ego gets in the way of relationships
- Moving from transactional relationships to authentic connection
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Well, do you know Sage Hobbs? She's another amazing woman podcaster. She has a podcast called Naked Conversations and she interviewed me and we talk about some of these issues as well. She started with, "what does it mean to be brave or what is courage?" and I think at the time I remembered saying "It's like, you know, standing, I don't know if it was standing but standing for what matters to you. And you might have fear but moving through it anyways from a place of love."
And what I'm appreciating about this question about joyful courage is, taking action and standing for the things that matter, even if you might be feeling afraid and you do it anyway from a place of love. Along the way you also find joy. There have been so many moments where I've been cheering, you know, I'm thinking about some women in my community who have been sharing the posts about the Circle of Mother's campaign. And every time I see one more mother reach out to her community, one at a time, donations of $20 or $30, I am filled with joy. There is a joyfulness about, you know, seeing again, the seeds of what you've been planting growing in the ways that you hoped.
Resources:
The Mask of Motherhood Ted Talk
Nicole Lee episode on Mother’s Quest podcast
So You Want to Talk About Race - Ijeoma Oiuo
womenpodcastersinsolidarity.com
Ep 37: Generations Rising for Gun Safety with Gloria Pan
Ep 07: Living Out Loud with Jenjii Hysten
Ep 54: Superheroes, Fighting Patriarchy, and Courageously Defeating Gun Violence with Ladd Everitt
Masterminds and Wingmen - Rosalind Wiseman
Ep 55: From Grief to Advocacy and a Circle of Mothers with Trayvon Martin’s Mother Sybrina Fulton
Mothers Against Police Brutality
EP27: On Living an E.P.I.C. Life with Julie Neale
Ep 49: A Conversation About Courage with Sage Hobbs and Julie Neale
Where to find Julie:
Julie@mothersquest.com
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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
THE BOOK IS READY FOR YOU TO BUY– Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Heyyyyyy you!
So much excitement – we got out house, kids are on board, book is getting attention, work is good…. Having the experience of seeing all that is abundant in my life has got me to thinking about how I have in the past seen abundance in the lives of others and thought “that will never be me” “I can’t do that” blah blah blah – and I’ve realized that in changing the story, I have changed what has unfolded in my life….. Its amazing.
Our story keeps us where we are
Listening to a lot of law of attraction – familiar?
IF not, let me read what it is from the lawofattraction.com - Simply put, the Law of Attraction is the ability to attract into our lives whatever we are focusing on. It is believed that regardless of age, nationality or religious belief, we are all susceptible to the laws which govern the Universe, including the Law of Attraction. It is the Law of Attraction which uses the power of the mind to translate whatever is in our thoughts and materialize them into reality. In basic terms, all thoughts turn into things eventually. If you focus on negative doom and gloom you will remain under that cloud. If you focus on positive thoughts and have goals that you aim to achieve you will find a way to achieve them with massive action.
We live our stories, we tell the stories we live, we live the story, we tell the story…. Sometimes that can keep us stuck. It isn’t the “stuck” that is bad, it is whether or not we WANT to be stuck where we are that we get to be aware of….
For example – When the life you are experiencing feels really hard and you see your kids as out of control…. And you talk about it with your partner and maybe your friends, and then you experience more of it, and you share with your mom or your therapist, and then there it is again, the hard, the heavy, someone asks you how you are, you give a big sigh and you respond with “I’m ok, things are hard” and the cycle continues to spin over and over and over.
Where is there space for something new? Where is there room to BELIEVE that there is another possibility?? That is where you are. You are resigned. Done and done.
A contrasting picture is one where things are going really well…. Kids are thriving, relationship is good, business is booming, there are so many possibilities opening up for you, and you talk about it with your partner and maybe your friends, and then you experience more of it, and you share with your mom or your therapist, and then there it is again, the trust, the excitement, someone asks you how you are, you give a big smile and you respond with “I’m amazing, things are so good” and the cycle continues to spin over and over and over.
This space feels expansive, it feels like there is an expectancy of more goodness, you believe in possibility, you are open and hopeful.
We get to stay in our lane.
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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
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Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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My guest today is Anna Seewald. Anna is a Parent Educator, Keynote Speaker, Author and Host of The Authentic Parenting Podcast. With background in psychology and education, having worked with children for 18 years, today she helps conscious moms and dads to become calm and connected to themselves and their children through trauma-informed education. She believes in helping children by helping parents. She has a private practice that specializes in parent education, where she provides one-on-one parent coaching, parenting, court ordered, and co-parenting classes. www.authenticparenting.com
"Emotional regulation is the ability to regulate our own emotions and choose actions that are appropriate in that situation.”
“We can teach those skills to our children today so that they can have a better life.”
“In order to teach self-regulation or regulation skills to our children, first and foremost, we need to learn those same skills ourselves.”
“There is no misbehavior. There is only behavior.”
“There's nothing wrong with your child. There's nothing wrong with you. This is just simple biology.”
“Our compassion level has to match the intensity of the emotion that child is feeling.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What is emotional regulation?
- Gaining perspective on what it means when our child is emotionally dysregulated
- Why toddlers struggle with emotional regulation
- How emotional dysregulation of kids triggers parents
- How stress contributes to emotional dysregulation in parents
- How emotional regulation supports conflict resolution, jobs, relationships, academics
- What is co-regulation?
- How parents can stay regulated
- The Four-Step Calm Formula
- Coaching your child’s emotional regulation
- The role of compassion in emotional regulation
- Assessing the level of urgency in an emotionally dysregulated situation
- Language and emotional dysregulation
- Mindfulness and emotional dysregulation
- Validating our children’s feelings in a way that matches the intensity of their distress
- The impact of dysregulation on the verbal centers of the brain
- Dealing with emotional dysregulation under time constraints
- Post-dysregulation problem solving and how to nurture it
- What to do when your child won’t talk about their feelings
- The power of relationship in bringing emotional regulation
- Tips for listeners who are looking to get better at helping their children grow their self-regulation skills or themselves
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
When I hear these two words together, I sort of have this feeling of a child-like wonderous, courageous, right, children have this courage, they're present and they know. They're not diluted with all the societal stuff. So this pure courage that is also joyful, this child-like courage. That's how I have a sense about those two words together.
Resources:
Casey’s Episode on Authentic Parenting
Anna’s upcoming conference - Joyful25 to get $25 off your ticket
Where to find Anna:
Authentic Parenting Community on Facebook
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all.
I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.
I was also a guest on the TILT parenting podcast. Long time listeners of JC will know Debbie Reber from episodes 54 and 145. Debbie is the founder of TILT parenting and host of the TILT parenting podcast - http://www.tiltparenting.com/. Debbie and I talk about my book, Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey, and connect the dots around how doing our own work around self control and centering is useful for all parents, whether their children are typically or differently wired. Check out those shows!!!
Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”
Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.
It’s this a powerful come from for parenting?
What it means to be fiercely committed?
- Creating the environment
- Meeting their needs
- Advocating for them
- Being kind and firm
- Encouraging them
What does it mean to be lovingly detached?
- Allowing them to be who they are
- Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences
- Allowing them to be uncomfortable
- Trusting that they are on THEIR journey
- Letting go
- Giving them responsibility over their lives
What gets in the way?
- Our dreams/vision for them
- Our past/failures/mistakes
- Our assumptions
- Our addiction to what other people think
- Our insecurity about “doing it wrong”
- Our emotional regulation (or lack of)
- Our lens of the “right/wrong” way
What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?
Two list exercise.
- Challenges
- Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY!
- Gifts
- Doubt that you have any particular job description…
- What about “happy”?
- Can we hope for content?
- Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency?
- Can we hope for grounded and empowered?
- Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.
A bit about DO.
- So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO??
- In the moment tools
- This is a narrow mindset
- PD is a broader lens than in the moment.
- TRSUT in developing relationship
- TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter
- TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence
- In the moment?
- Keep everyone SAFE
- Acknowledge your child’s experience
- Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right
They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.
- Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped
- Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice
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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
::::
Today’s guest is Simone Davis. Simone is the author of the new book, The Montessori Toddler. Simone is an AMI Association Montessori International Montessori Educator. She lives in Amsterdam where she runs parent-child Montessori classes at Jacaranda Tree Montessori. Simone is the author of a popular blog, The Montessori Notebook. She is also mother to two young adults. We will be discussing toddlers. Join us!
"In Montessori it's an alternative education system where we're actually following each unique child on their own unique individual development.”
“We start to think that toddlers are giving us a hard time when actually it's them having a hard time.”
“We help them as much as necessary and as little as possible.”
“Montessori is somewhere in between, we call it freedom within limits.”
“It's really just how to communicate in an effective, respectful way.”
“it's really about trusting your child that they're on their own unique timeline and that they're different to everybody else.”
“I think of us as planting that seed as well and nurturing it so that we really recognize that each child's individual, how can I support and help them become the best version of themselves?”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What the Montessori philosophy is all about
- The role of multi-age modeling in a Montessori environment
- The importance of taking time for training
- Preparing the environment and what that looks like
- How Montessori builds community and independence
- Teaching kids to care for things and each other: values-based learning
- How breaking down steps reduces assumptions and frustration
- The benefits of the Montessori approach
- Applying Montessori principles to your home
- What gets in the way of parents for seeing the gifts of the toddler years
- Practicing neutral observation without assumption like a scientist
- How the quest for Independence is similar in the teen and toddler years
- Setting kind and clear limits
- The value of a rich language environment with the space to try new things
- Getting comfortable with repeating yourself
- The role of making amends and modeling doing so yourself
- The most important thing for parents of young children to know in order to shift into the Montessori mindset
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I do think that you can bring joy back into parenting. Like when you think of parenting a toddler, like you mentioned, it can be hard work, but actually when you see the world through your child's eyes and see that they're not trying to give you a hard time, but they're just kind of super curious, they grabbed that toy out of that child's hand because they want to play with it right now. That's as simple as it is. It's not that they're trying to be naughty and so the courage to follow your child, support them, like "I'm not going to let you take that toy. Let's wait together." But in a very kind and gentle way. And then you'll just find you're more relaxed as a parent and you'll enjoy seeing what your toddler can show you because they have so much to show us about being in the present moment. They'll spot those weeds growing up through the pavers as you walk down the street, they remind us to really slow down and to enjoy every bit of life because I've even just used to spend half an hour going to get the newspaper with my son and we'd walk across the road. It was a block, but it was such a delight to just slow down and enjoy all those little moments, those little toddling legs. I, just, yeah, I'm so grateful for that time and that I didn't let it pass me by.
Resources:
Dan Siegel hand model of the brain video
Where to find Simone:
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Winging it in the closet!
Thank you for the review, Lauren!
Listening to my clients and group participants…. Amazing the expansive way we can see/here for the other person.
- The idea that kids get into mischief, make mistakes, AND well meaning, loving parents get stuck into thinking “they are manipulating me/trying to get what they want/playng me”
- Foundation of Adlerian theory – behavior being movement in the direction of belonging and significance
- As young children – always perceiving/interpreting/beliefs/action (private logic)
- Do I belong?
- Do I matter?
- Do I have influence?
- Am I safe?
- We are asking and answering those questions through our own lens, which has been developed over time, through experience and relationships we have lived through
- Kids are cut and dry, their private logic is experienced as “truth”
- Perception of emotional safety matters
- “I’m curious… I notice you don’t want to talk about problems after the fact…. Can you tell me about that?”
- Goal is to help them observe themselves
- Having a conversation about the conversation
- Curiosity has no agenda, it’s not a “method”
- Curiosity is non-judgmental and open
- THIS TAKES PRACTICE PEOPLE!
- Call it out when the space feels judge-y and own what we have brought in the past
- Asking VS Telling Experiential activity
- Play with this!! Remember there are layers!!
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
::::
My guest today is Meagan Wilson. Meagan is the founder of Whole Family Rhythms and living out her mission of helping other mothers, caregivers, and educators to create more clarity and balance within the home. Meagan’s website and seasonal Guides provide support, information, and resources on conscious parenting inspired by the earth, the seasons, and each family’s own unique values. Together, a community of over 25 thousand like-minded Mothers and educators gather each day on her Instagram feed to discuss parenting with love, connection and rhythm.
"Connecting with your family values is this parenting partner exercise.”
“Visual cues, no matter what, they are always very helpful.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What living with the rhythms of the earth and the seasons means
- What it means to align your life with your values
- How to document your family values in a meaningful way
- Discussing your values as co-parents with extended family and caregivers
- Routine vs rhythm, in-breath vs out-breath times and what it all means
- Using visuals to create daily habits
- What it means to be a loving authority
- Being the author of the boundaries that you're holding
- Natural consequences - what they are
- Connecting to something higher than yourself - not necessarily religion
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I cheated a little bit. I looked up the word joy because I told you I really like looking at words. It led me to rejoice, which really made sense to me because when I first read it and thought what's joyful courage? I thought, you know, it's courage to live in that moment. You know, really ground yourself in the present moment. And even if there is suffering around, even if your child is upset and you're holding a space for that, you know, you're really in the moment. And I think that the word rejoice kind of fits in there because it's this sense of gratitude. It's gratitude for the present moment no matter what it's bringing us. So it might not always be this like very happy joy, but it's this sense of gratitude for the present moment and having the courage to try and connect with that as often as we can during the day.
Resources:
Where to find:
Whole Family Rhythms website - Joyful Courage landing page
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Hey there!!!
I’d like to start by giving a shout out to the most recent review that the show has received on iTunes – form You are my sunshine
I hear from so many of you about how this podcast support you – if you will, please take the time to write a review – it helps the show in so many ways, one of which is that it makes it more likely to get in front of new listeners!! Thank you –
Myths of Positive Parenting
- That everything is peaceful all the time
PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting styles
Kind AND firm can feel elusive
We are all human beings having a human experience
- That kids don’t get into mischief
Kids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems…. well…. Inconvenient.
Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
- That you will enjoy every minute
Uhmmm, who started this rumor?? I guess there are parents out there that truly are in bliss-land all the time when it comes to their kids and parenting. I honestly don’t KNOW them, but maybe they exist. We can love our kids UNCONDITIONALLY, with NO DOUBT, for SURE, AND not enjoy every single minute. AND this does not make us bad parents.
Realities of Positive Parenting
- It takes work
Many of us are coming into parenting with all sorts of baggage, and we are all on different parts of the journey of self awareness. Having children, I think, gives us a choice – 1. Resist growing and evolving and stay stuck in power struggles and pain, or 2. Be open to learning and growing and enjoy a connected relationship with our children.
And being open to learning and growing is no small thing. The journey puts everything that we believe, everything that we know to be true in front of us with the question, “what if this isn’t true?” “what if there is another way to see this?” “what if this is simply MY truth?”
And then we get to decide how tight to hold on, how attached to remain --- its wild!
- It is more about your self regulation than anything else
I read a great article by Mona Delahooke about challenging behavior and self regulation. She says, “Too often what we expect from children makes a false assumption: that children possess “top-down” control that allows them to think about their bodies and minds and control their behaviors. The truth is that may behaviorally challenged children don’t yet have this ability.
Parents tend to believe that if a child sometimes displays control, then the child always has the ability to do so. That mistaken belief reveals an expectation gap—a disparity between adults’ assumptions and a child’s abilities.”
And – “Self-regulation is a developmental process that we can nurture and encourage in one way: through the experience of emotional co-regulation with caring and attuned adults.”
I love this, because it aligns with what I believe – this work is about US getting our shit together. Yes, of course we want the same for our kids AND, like Dr. Delahooke states, it requires parents to be regulated and attuned to their kids. Toddlers to teens, people.
- You child’s behavior is not an accurate indicator of “doing it right”
This is a biggy – all along the way, right? From how they potty train to whether or not they experiment with substances – we are quick to take the blame when things go sideways. And while I DO believe there are ways of being in relationship with our kids that support them in learning and growing, there are also other factors at work – like brain development, temperament, beliefs they have about themselves and others, relationships they are navigating….
What if instead of judging ourselves by our children’s mistakes and mis-steps, we flip the whole thing over and start to tune in with what our relationship with our child is…??
Ask yourself, what does it look like when your child screws up? How are you showing up for them? What are the dots they are connecting? Is there space for them to actually TAKE and HOLD responsibility, or are you, perhaps, unknowingly holding that responsibility?
This has been coming up SO MUCH lately, with the parents in the Parenting Teen Academy that I am running, as well as with private clients AND in my own home. We have a vision for our kids, don’t we? I mean even the most evolved of us want our children to grow into healthy, happy, fulfilled adults, right? How many of us are asking our kids what THEY want? I know that is kind of a “duh” question, but really – WHAT DO THEY WANT?
And I am going to make a very unscientific, not yet backed by science claim, that kids in connected, supportive relationships with their parents, who have a basic idea of what they want, and are allowed to make mistakes, tend to feel that THEIR PATH IS THEIRS THE CREATE AND FOLLOW.
Doesn’t mean they don’t screw up, doesn’t mean they don’t feel the tension of failure – BUT THIS IS WHERE LIFE SKILLS GROW!! We learn through our experiences – and the learning goes next level when there is also someone there to love and support us when we flail
- It is messy
Period. It just is. And even the people that you know who really have it together experience the messiness in one way or another. Doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of love. The messiness is a part of the territory, people, so grab a meditation cushion and settle in for the ride.
I say it all the time – I learned it from my friend and mentor, Jody McVittie – the most powerful tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship with nurture with our kids.
And I have a special message for those of you with teenagers right now – there isn’t time to dick around. IF you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, if you are feeling worried or scared about where you are at, if you feel like maybe you’ve missed the window, YOU HAVE NOT. There is room for you to learn some new tools, there is time to rebuild relationship. You owe it to your kids to try something new and different.
The Parenting Teens Academy is all about this! It is a VALUABLE 4 weeks of community and content DESIGNED to support you in growing connection and responsibility in your home.
Each week you get:
- Positive Discipline philosophy and strategies, as well as content around personal growth, to weave into your daily life.
- You get to be a part of a like minded group of parents who are IN IT WITH YOU and supporting you along the way.
- You get and hour long one on one call where you and I get to focus directly on what is most important to you right now, with actionable steps for following through with the learning.
- You get the ENTIRE Parenting Teens with PD Audio Summit as a resource to keep forever
But you have to apply before April 7th.
I am capping the program at 20 participants, and applications are already coming in. I want to be sure that we are a good fit, and that you are ready to do the work and be a part of the community.
If you’ve made it this far, I am going be direct and just say – apply now.
Here is what current participants are saying:
“I am using the content daily and I am feeling like the house and kids are happy for it!”
“There have been so many "ahas" in this program! The things my teen is going through is exactly what he's supposed to be experiencing. Though many of his behaviors are challenging right now, they will serve him well as he becomes independent. A lot of my behaviors are because I have been taking these changes personally and because of fear, and my response is the part of the equation that I can control. Looking closely at my own behavior and gradually making changes to my approach will help me build and maintain a positive relationship with my teen.”
“I have so much confidence in Casey's leadership. It feels very vulnerable to discuss our family challenges with others and dig into my own emotionally raw places. Casey has created a safe and supportive class environment by sharing her own experiences, wisdom and vulnerability while setting expectations of confidentiality and trust within our group.”
I am going to be unapologetic about encouraging you to apply now for this program. It is making a HUGE difference in the lives of parents, and I really don’t want you to miss your chance!!
Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt for more info and to apply. You will also find testimonials there, and FAQs - That is www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt - you will NOT be sorry. Again, I am taking applications through April 7th and the four week program begins Monday, May 6th.
CAN”T WAIT!!
Tune in again next week – I will be sharing an interview with Meagan Wilson – you may know her from Whole Family Rythms. She and I talk a lot about finding and creating flow in the routines of our family. LOVED this convo – until then – BIG LOVE!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens
SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.
Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.
For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt
"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Dr. Sarah Bergman Lewis. Before attending medical school ,Sarah helped to found a middle school called the Seattle Girls' School. As part of her 5 years with the Seattle girls' school she did admission and taught 6th grade Sarah attended University of Washington Medical School. She completed her pediatric residency at Seattle Children's, has worked in urgent care at Seattle Children's Hospital, then as a primary care physician.
She and her family later travelled to Guatemala for 3 months where she worked in a local hospital and her kids attended school. Her family will return again this year for a visit and to help launch a partnership between a group of Seattle pediatricians and the Guatemalan hospital.
Outside of works there is pursuing her yoga teaching training certificate and enjoys learning about sharing Integrative Medicine tools with her patients as part of a collaboration between Odessa Brown Children's Clinic and Arc of King County. She is helping devise the curriculum for a mindful self compassion course for Spanish speaking parents which she will co-facilitate in the spring.
Her husband Steve is a nonprofit executive director. She is a mom of two delightful children. Today we are talking about navigating our own self-healing. Join us!
"What child needs most is to have a whole adult in their lives”
“Parenting pushes us to our limits. It challenges our core beliefs and just really pushes us in all aspects of our life like no other arena.”
“Part of navigating parenting is being able to identify why we do what we do and how we feel what we feel and how we are expressing it day to day.”
“Early childhood experiences matter and it matters in a very deep way.”
“The ‘why’ matters.”
“What happens from here is really the most important part.”
“This healing is for everyone.”
“Behavior really is always you know movement towards belonging”
“These things are both universal and deeply personal.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Parenting from wholeness, not fear
- Adverse childhood events and how they affect parents and parenting
- Adverse childhood events study explained
- The dose response effect to adverse childhood events
- How ACE scores impact health (physical and mental) risks
The shadow side of resilience - Behavior as a solution to a problem we don’t know about
- Epigenetics, what is it and what does it have to do with behavior?
- Being aware of what drives our internal “shark music”
- Exercising self-compassion around when you’re going to work on your issues
- How the way we talk to ourselves impacts how we talk to people in our family
- What embodiment means
- Encouraging embodiment in our kids
- Guiding conversations about embodiment
- Discussing screen time with our kids
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Oh gosh so joyful courage to me means being all in, you know, with the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful as Glennon Melton Doyle calls it. It is being willing to feel that discomfort and really trusting that it's going to go to a better place and that it does give you those really joyful moments and those transformative moments even if it, so my my daughter the other day as we were leaving, you know, I was being less than ideal, less than my best self going out the door and she looked at me and she said “Remember, mom, peace begins with me.” and I was like “Oh shoot!” But it’s so true and you know, it's like, we’re going to be okay.
Resources:
ACE Score Resources
Where to find Dr. Sarah:
Email sarahberganlewis@gmail.com
:::::
Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens
SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.
Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.
For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt
"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
First – let me tell you how much I love the show, Parenthood, on Netflix....
Casey is on solo with you today digging into what it means to trust the process in the context of parenting, Positive Discipline, and leaning on our relationship as the most powerful way to influence our kids behavior.
What does this mean?
- Hitting stage
- Homework stage
The relationships/ life skill development journey
When we are stuck in a place with our kids it is easy to believe that it will “always be like this”
- Change happens over time
- If we want something to be different we have to BE different
- The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time
- All it take is one person to change the dance (YOU)
- The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time
What it means to be in an honest open relationship with your children
- What can feel like the dark side
- Curiosity and stalling when you don’t know what to do
- Notice your fear and let it guide you to pausing
- Gather your resources
- Listen to your gut
How to voice concerns without blaming or condemning (thermometer activity)
- Encouraging vs discouraging out kids
- When they are discouraged by OUR behavior they shift OUT OF taking responsibility or even thinking about their own behavior
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!
"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”
“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”
“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”
“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality
- Normalizing conversations about sexuality
- Separating nudity from eroticism
- Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers
- Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids
- Double standards applied to boys and girls
- Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships
- The importance of knowing your kids’ friends
- What the research says about teenage sex
- What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex
- The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids
- Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable
- Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids
- Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.
Resources:
Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality
Where to find Bonnie:
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
How we influence the iceberg
Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior
- Battles over homework
- Power struggles
- Screen time addiction
- Getting out the door
- We are mega focused on fixing those problems
The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about
Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:
Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door
- Two options for response:
- What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
- Bribes, threats, punishments
- What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?
- What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
Go to the source
- Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..
- With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better
Transparency
- Rowan talking about the future
- Agitated, closed off, defensive
- Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo
- We both are discouraged and the convo is over
- Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation
- Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future
- What is the experience?
- IS it only with me or others?
- Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?
- What would be useful about having a vision of the future?
- Deeper even still
- I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?
Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….
- How do we let go?
- What do they need?
- Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….
- Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation
- Honor who they are and their temperament
- I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.
Summing it up:
- Recognize how we are contributing to challenges
- Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience.
- Identify the ACTUAL problem
- Be an open, nonjudgmental listener
- Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful)
- Be respectful
- Honor who you child is in word and action
Before I go….
I have a really exciting update on my BOOK!!
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Sid Garza-Hillman, who is a podcaster and youtuber. He's the author of Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto and Raising Healthy Parents, Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family. Sid graduated from UCLA with a BA in philosophy and is a public speaker, certified nutritionist and Small Steps Coach. He teaches people around the world his unique small steps approach to healthy living at www.smallsteppers.com. His latest podcast, What Sid Thinks is currently available on iTunes. Sid is the Wellness Programs Director at the Stanford Inn Eco Resort. He's an ultra runner and race director for the Mendocino coast 50k trail ultra marathon. Join us!
"However you want to parent, you can't pull that off unless you're feeling good in your life”
“If we can sort of tip the scales in our favor most of the time, then we win the day”
“We are not robots. Our kids aren't robots. We're humans with human emotions and experiences and lenses and it's just so messy.”
“If we can really focus on how we be and how we show up, that's going to inspire, inform, empower and influence what we do.”
“Maybe the perfect version of the human being is one that that is about self care and compassion and has a core of ethic that informs their actions most of the time. ”
“Who am I at my best?”
“You've been defining yourself by how you've been in the external world, when that's been in complete conflict with actually what you stand for and what you value.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Breaking old patterns and habits - managing expectations
- The knowledge and implementation gap
- Small Stepping - what is it and what does
- Are poor choices your problem or your solution?
- Finding ways to manage stress and making choices to increase the likelihood of success
- Dissipating stress - making healthier choices to do so
- Setting the stage for actual change vs relying on willpower
- Identifying who you are as a parent
- Reminding yourself of who you are
- Change as a process of coming into alignment with who you really are
- Mistakes as a way to model the human experience
- Dealing with making mistakes with your kids
- What is a small step?
- The Goldilocks effect of stress - what is it and how do you find it??
- The value of outside interests in parenting and relationships
- The role of joy in how you show up as a parent
- Finding 10 minute pockets of joy and what to fill it with
- The role of self care in our attitude towards parenting
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I would say even people who listen to your podcast, I would say people who, who are even thinking about making improvements as a parent, there was a huge, to me, an inspiring level of courage there that we are saying in the midst of a very challenging world, that's all I'm sure has always been challenging, but we always think this is the most challenging, but for whatever reasons it seems challenging. Yet in spite of that and in spite of the things we read on the news about horrible things that happen in schools and all these kinds of things, in spite of that we're showing up and we're taking our kids and we're doing the best we can and we want to do better. And there's an amazing amount of courage in that simply that decision then to take that further and say, I not only want it, but I want to do it is again, it actually is courageous in the real true meaning of the word. Where I see joyful part of that is to me, my interpretation of that is that it is all to the end of joy, it is all to the end of we do this because we love our kids and we do this because we want to have a meaningful life. And that includes raising families, for many people. And you know, the most meaningful thing for me is raising my children and like we talked about before, you know, letting them see my flaws and letting and my wife letting them see her flaws and understanding there's a certain beauty in that and a joy in that and growing strong kids to be okay with their flaws is just awesome. So anyway, that's where I see joyful courage.
Resources:
Raising Healthy Parents: Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family
Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto
Where to find Sid:
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Snowy February in Washington state – wowzer!
Today I am talking about screens and technology
Exciting news- Lisa Damour, author of Untangled and new book Under Pressure: Confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls
- Big deal
- How I get guests
- How many say no
My book has a launch date!!
- Presale April 10th
- Official Launch May 20th
- Join newsletter to keep up with all of the book news and the incentives I am putting together for those of you that choose into presale
- Just go to joyfulcourage.com/join
iTunes Reviews!!!
- From January, a five star review from @chrisnjess – “I found you through Birds and bees and kids and as your podcast began, it was as if you were speaking from my own mothering journey. I feel as if you are another angel in my continuing mothering journey. I found your podcast episode bery insightful, information, and affirming. I am tuning in!!
- Thank you @chrisnjess!!!! And you all know how much I love Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and kids – did you know she started a podcast too? It’s called “Just say this” - Check it out on itunes or wherever you are listening to podcasts
- The podcast also received a five star review earlier this month from @urfmama – “ Casey is like my long lost sister that I’ve never met. Like minded is an understatement. When I was feeling down with my mothering I searched “positive Discipline” in podcasts and eureka! Joyful Courage appeared like a bright star in the dark night. I eat this podcast up, I tell every parent I know about it. I find myself nodding while I listen as I do my housework. I feel like my hand is being held and I ‘m gently being led through this incredibly strategic yet unpredictable “chess game” of parenting. Do yourself a favor and soak in the wisdom that Joyful Courage so generously shares. Thank you, Casey, much love from the heartland.”
- THANK YOU @URFMAMA – one day, one day our paths will cross.
- YES! Thank you to everyone that is jumping into itunes to leave reviews – this helps with my visibility – meaning more people are likely to find me – and it also just FEELS SO GOOD to read and know that what I am doing over here in the guest room of my house MATTERS.
Ok…. On to todays content.
Screens
Why?
- It is coming up in the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens community, it is coming up in calls with clients, it is coming up in my own life and practice with my kids
- FOR CERTAIN: it is a big pain in the ass
Today I am going to share and inquiry from my own experience – not because I know the way, or I have it all figured out, but because I am IN IT with you.
- Remember last April when I had Dr. Delaney Runston on and we talked about her documentary, Screenagers? There are so many pearls of wisdom and research in my convo with her – be sure to listen or relisten - http://www.joyfulcourage.com/podcast/140
- I also had a powerful conversation with one of my colleagues, a positive discipline Lead trainer, about this during the teen summit, which is available to invest in through the end of this month at joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
- I spoke with Kim Muench about this back in episode 82 – Parenting in the Age of Smart phones…
- Plus, it has come up in loads of other conversations
- IT’S NOT GOING AWAY
Here are some of the pain points I am hearing from the community AND experiencing myself:
- Limits and boundaries
- How much to monitor
- Broken agreements
- The arguing
- The internet is forever
- How will they develop real relationship skills when everything is over text/IM/Snaps
- Online/SM bullying
- Sexting/nudes
- How much time is too much time to be on their phones
- How to be the lone parents who waits to get their child a phone
- How to support kids with friends when they don’t have SM/phones
- Restricting what they do/see on their devices
- Begin real and honest about our OWN (parents) phone use
- Using devices as avoidance/escape
Let’s check in with the kids:
- How did you feel about making agreements about screens?
- What is your experience with social media?
- What do you not like about the phone and SM? What kinds of things do you see happening?
- Where do you feel like it gets in the way of life? Or do you?
- What do you like about it?
- How do you feel about me when I am on your case about your phone use?
- What do you see me modeling with my phone use?
- You have some restrictions on your phone – is that helpful?
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Oren Jay Sofer, the author of Say What You Mean - A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centres and education settings around the US. Oren is a graduate of the IMS Spirit Rock teacher training program. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, teaches in the Insight Meditation community and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a certified trainer of non-violent communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for a number of organizations including Mindful Schools, Kaiser Permanente, and 10% Happier. He lives in Richmond, California. Join us!
"If we can’t actually listen to each other and have a meaningful conversation when we disagree, it’s impossible to work together to address the challenges that we’re facing”
“We can’t wait for the opportunities where presence is needed to practice presence.”
“Even when we can't meet our child's needs we can help them to know and recognize that their needs matter to us.”
“Our feelings are a reflection of our needs.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Being in response vs reaction
- Communication as a way of navigating conflict mindfully
- 3 foundations for successful conversations and effective communication
- The role of presence in communication
- The ambient stress of raising a child
- Owning our responses in times of stress
- Exercising self-compassion in relation to parenting-related stress
- Integrating moments of awareness into your day
- Creating daily rituals into mindfulness
- Mindfulness as a way to mitigate cumulative stress
- Mindfulness as a way to be present in our relationships
- Mindfulness as awareness and a way to raise our baseline kindness and presence
- Preparing for parenting with mindfulness through practicing
- Practice as a way of creating a new way of being
- Creating awareness of the impact of our actions on others
- Discussing our needs instead of blame
- Being realistic about our ability to meet all of our child’s needs
- Intention in communication and mindfulness
- Approaching communication from a place of curiosity and care
- Curiosity as a way of being
- The need for intention to be genuine
- Feelings of a reflection of needs
- Increasing emotional literacy to enhance communication
- Helping children to problem solve as an alternative to “consequences”
- Connecting before correcting
- Conflict as an opportunity for learning
- Where to start when you realize you need to improve your communication
- Learning to pause, be curious and consider the needs of others
- Connection through perspective shift
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
So I think what joyful courage means to me is it's rooted in the recognition that the places that we struggle, the places that we're scared of the places that we feel pain actually hold the precious gift of our own freedom and when we recognize that having the courage to turn towards those places and to actually include them in our life and learn from them becomes a process that's joyful because we know why we're doing it. It's not just about “I've got to trudge through this” but we've experienced to some degree and have a deep faith that there's there's actually a gift waiting for me on the other side.
Resources:
Text “guided” 44222 to sign up for a short ebook and free guided meditation series
Where to find Oren:
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Recap of the summit
- What happens when we start having real conversations?
- Community/support
- Seeing participants in real life
- Recognizing our attachments and course correcting
- Gratitude to guests
- Gratitude to participants
- $109 and it is your for eva
Saw Brene Brown
- Seen before
- Appreciate her realness
- Familiar stories
- Story of daughter swimming and conversation around being brave IS winning
- Are these the conversations we are having with our kids? Are we explicit?
What we notice and what we speak
- Life skills/qualities
- Negativity bias
- How often they ARE using tools/skills – it’s just when they don’t if feels so PAINFUL
- Our expectation of mastery
- Layers going on under the surface (meaning of behavior with Alison Smith 110, Iceberg Metaphor solo show 129)
What it takes to stay focused under the surface
- Vulnerability and humility – it may not be about you
- Faith
- Trust/surrender – let go of your attachment to how you think it should be, and also the idea that you KNOW what’s happening for your child when they haven’t expressed it
- The idea that all humans ultimately want connecting and to know they matter. All of them. We are hard wired to connect
Our language and messages:
- Week three at MMS we dug into encouragement vs praise
- Process oriented
- Really seeing the child
- Naming qualities with evidence
- My story this morning with the waffles and “what do I do with the mix?”
- I notice, I appreciate, I trust/know/have faith
- Not for the short term/immediate – but for the long term, internal voice (ep 136 with Kelly Bos about how NOT to become the voice of your child’s inner critic) it is about below the surface, about supporting our kids in changing what they believe about themselves
I am going to do a webinar this month in the Patreon community to diver deeper into encouragement and I hope you join in! The Joyful Courage Super Fam is a group of parents who are giving $10/month to the podcast to support in the sustainability and create a win/win. Members of the community enjoy monthly webinars and online support through our closed facebook page. Check it out at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage
Have a beautiful week my friends!! I am going to be watching my tone this week and really working on the sometimes unspoken messages I am sending to my kids when I am less than mindful of what I am doing – and clean up any messes along the way.
Big love!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Rachel Butler. She is an executive and professional coach, an organizational health expert, a wife and mother of 2 boys she is one of those unique women who is both powerhouse and presence. She's a master in organizational systems and she's worked with over 325 organizations. Rachel embodies what it means to be an empowered woman and a conscious mom. Rachel and her mama business partner Gillian Rowinski are the voices behind Unlearning SuperMom a feminist website that supports equal rights and opportunities for women and empowering all of us. We will be discussing Unlearning SuperMom. Join us!
"Our culture has clearly defined what being a good mom should look like and it is oppressive. The martyrdom of being busy, being agreeable, putting everyone else first, running yourself ragged. If super mom is who we become when we are in this world with our eyes closed then unlearning her is a deeply courageous feminist act.”
“Are we doing it because it's a “should” or are we doing it because it’s something that brings us joy?”
“It’s really hard not to get into comparison-itis.”
“I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-The impact of childcare costs on returning to work for moms
-The emotional conflict about returning to work
-Keeping it real as a mom
-Who is super mom and where does she come from?
-Re-learning our inherent self-worth that is not based in accomplishment
-Motherhood and martyrdom: when we put ourselves last
-Motherhood messaging and where it comes from
-History of motherhood and women’s work
-The perceived value of women based on their relationship with their children
-Child centred social media messages and guilt
-The value of the messy middle
-Being aware of social media messaging and how it impacts us
-Where do you start unlearning super mom?
-Ways to dip your toe in to shifting towards unlearning super mom
-Stages of learning from awareness
-The mental load we carry
-Checking in with your body
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I think one of the phrases that most triggering, I already even brought it up in this conversation, the triggering for me as a parent is like "Oh, just like enjoy every moment. It goes by so fast" that statement brings so much anxiety to me and I really understand the intention of it. I do. But for me and I feel like I'm, you know, I'm someone who's like maybe even obsessively working towards like enjoying, you know, trying to be with my kids and you know, so I find it really and I'm sort of a nostalgic person anyway. So anyway, I get a lot of anxiety from that statement and so I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it, you know.
So I think from, you know, the most impactful things, you know, profound things that I've learned as a parent has really come from, like, the more painful moments of the parent, like some of the suffering that's come, you know, and what I've been able to learn from that and being able to sort of meet it, you know, meet and face all of the really messy stuff and and I think that really is courage, right, like coming up to that really scary, whether it's personal work or complex relationships or whatever and showing up for them.
So I think the, you know, joyful courage to me in that context is really about looking for the meaning and just showing up in your life and allowing that to not, you know, that what's there to not be good or bad, you know and not treating happiness like it's the pinnacle of life experience.
Resources:
Where to find Sara:
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Join the Patreon Community!
Being a patron is giving back. Patrons pledge financial support that goes directly into the production of this podcast. You can pledge $1, $5, or $10/month – whatever works for you, and know that it is a WIN WIN!! YOU exchanging energy with ME – can I get a big YES?!
THANK YOU to everyone who has already become a parton, your support is so appreciated!!
Don’t wait, head over to http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourageand sign up today
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today is a solo show all about being the calm inside the storm. That is the dream, isn’t it?? Listen in as I tease apart what this means and offer ideas and strategies around hwo to get there more often.
· Parenting class
· Summit
· Podcast conversations
· E+R=O
· Events and experiences…. 3 Bs
· What if nothing changes?
· What if all we have is how we feel inside of the experience?
· What do we want to BE/FEEL/CREATE??
· Feedback matters – internal vs external validation
· Parenting is a PART of our life that can feel like our WHOLE life
· Energy of emotion
· Personal work, small steps with Sid, ACES with Sarah – unlearning supermom
· Stuck in what it should look like
· What about acceptance of what is? What about surrender to not knowing the outcome?
· Influence yes. Hard work and practice, yes.
· AND you decide how to respond from life --- worry fear, that is the present moment experience you create. Openness, love, that is the present moment experience you create.
· Think about, bring about – energetically we are always influencing our life, our experience
:::
Audio summit for parents of teens
- One week of real conversations
- PD trainers who have already been through it
- The launch starts January 1st
- Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Join Patreon
Sign up to be a part of the Patreon community today!! You will enjoy monthly webinars, online coaching and support from a caring community of like minded parents.
Click here for more information.
:::
Today’s guest is Sara Harvey Yao. Sara is a leadership consultant who has developed more than 4,000 leaders across the globe. She specializes in helping leaders navigate pressure and stress by staying present in the moment. Sara is the author of two books, Get Present and Drop In. She’s the mother of two teen boys and can speak firsthand to how the power of presence can transform the parenting experience. We will be discussing. Join us!
"Naming feelings opens the doorways for the energy of emotion to metabolize.”
“When we’re in emotion, we’re in a different part of our brain than the language center so it’s often hard to articulate what we’re feeling.”
“Anger...is a signal fire. Something is going on here. It’s a sign your boundaries have been crossed.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-How naming emotions helps us process them
-Facilitating our movement through emotions in the parenting journey
-The power of acknowledging, even to ourselves, when we are struggling
-Feeling vs thinking
-Attitudes and beliefs about feelings that contribute to feeling “stuck”
-Helping our kids name and process feelings and the role of modeling
-Normalizing emotions for our kids
-Anger as a secondary emotion
-What’s really under anger
-Exploring our triggers and where our feelings are coming from
-Establishing a common language with your kids to discuss feelings
-How to support ourselves and our kids to regulate emotions
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
The courage to try something new and if that’s new to, I’m going to try a new parenting technique, if that means I’m going to sit with a feeling instead of stuffing it, I’m actually going to say something instead of not saying something, any new behavior to me takes deep, deep, deep courage and when we take those leaps into courage, for me it always ends up being really joyful. There’s such an empowered, a sense of empowerment and it leads to new opportunities or new directions that I might not have known about if I hadn’t been courageous. So those two words fit so beautifully together, it’s just joyful courageousness when we try something new.
Resources:
Listen to past show with Sara: Episode 68
Listen to Mindfulness Min Summit
Where to find Sara:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn
:::
Audio Summit for Parents of Teens
-
One week of real conversations
-
PD trainers who have already been through it
-
The launch starts January 1st
-
Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Eps 169
Happy New Year!!
Hope everyone had an easy breezy holiday. Grateful to friends and family and all the ways we were supported to enjoy the season.
So much to be excited about.
I want to share a couple of reviews that came through Apple Podcast last month– I am always so grateful when you all are willing to show up there and provide feedback.
This is the podcast I recommend most to friends. Casey has such a great way of breaking down parenthood challenges and offering tips and commiseration with humility. She doesn’t come across as preachy and she is in it with us! Her guests are phenomenal, her interviewing skills are wonderful and her solo show insights always resonate! She’s experiences the humility of parenthood at all stages and it’s evident she truly wants to help. Thank you, Casey! - Cassthurston
I’m a new listener and found you through your excellent Tina Payne Bryson interview. Just listened to your 2018 recap epsiode, as well. Great work! I’ve subscribed and will be a regular listener. I also look forward to reading your book! Thank you for your excellent, realistic parenting insights! – GAC Sunshine
Thank you so much, you two!! And listeners, if you’d like to rate and review the show, I am going to be sharing reviews here – you may hear your name!!! I am really going to be encouraging you all to be sharing the show. I know that the content of this podcast Is useful – you tell me so!!! And I want as many parents as possible to be listening in. This is how we raise a generation that can lead with compassion and integrity - by parenting this way. So in this context, parenting IS social justice. Lets all be a part of changing the course by not only doing our own work to be more attuned and empathetic parents, but to support others in the work as well!
This is something I will be talking a lot about in 2019. Compassion and integrity. And our DUTY to be engaging in conversations that support and forward others this way too! It can feel vulnerable and scary – but too bad. It has to happen.
Speaking of compassion and integrity – and for the sake of the conversation, I define compassion as sympathetic consciousness of another persons suffering and integrity as being honest, decent, and walking our talk – these are two big themes that I want to highlight this year – both in my personal practice of being a parent and a human on the planey, as well as with the people I work with and all of you.
Compassion and integrity.
Today, I am going to share a bit about a book I am reading that is really blowing my mind, it is called The Path is Everywhere; uncovering the jewels hidden within you, by Matt Lacata. If you’ve listened to the show for very long, you know that I love my energy worker/reiki master friend (shout out to Jessica) and she has turned me on to the work of Matt. I am using this book as part of my soul care time, reading a few pages in the morning to gather inspiration.
I am not very far into the book, and what I read this morning gave me pause and I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring it here to discuss with all of you.
The first part of the book is about what the author calls our “shadow” – this is the part of ourselves that lays dormant until it is jostled into wakefulness. Another way to make sense of it is the way that we feel when we are triggered. Our shadow is who takes over when we are riding the emotional freight train. The parts of ourselves that we may cloak in shame or guilt – the parts that we keep hidden.
Most of us have a tendency to want to hide our shadow, keep it deep inside of ourselves, not let it see the light of day. Many of us may think we are pretty successful with this – until we aren’t. A lot of the clients I see come to me because their shadow is making appearances in the parenting journey and they want to fix it, they want to make it go away.
I have a shadow as well – she wants control and order, she wants to know the outcome, and she wants everyone to be on her agenda. My shadow takes the behavior of others deeply personally, quickly manifesting fear, rejection and disrespect whenever I experience criticism and ridicule.
My shadow, your shadow – our shadows are a part of who we are. And if, like me, you subscribe to life being purposeful, then perhaps our shadow isn’t something that we should turn away from, or get rid of. Perhaps our shadow is something we can turn towards and get curious about.
You all know that I love the personal growth and development conversation. You know that I see parenting as one long personal growth and development workshop. And if you have been listening for any length of time, you know that I am deeply invested in supporting others in doing this work along with me.
This is why I am talking about shadow work today.
Matt Lacata writes:
It is important that we cultivate the intention to become more interested in the truth of our experience than in the demand to find relief from our symptoms.
Putting this in the context of parenting, especially as we look ahead to a brand new year and choosing in to growth and possibility, we can consider the truth of our experiences as taking a magnifying lens to our current struggles – bring in curiosity, ownership, honesty – and ask ourselves questions like: What am I meant to learn here? What is going on for me? What is the emotion that I can connect to right here right now? What is the story I am telling myself about my child? Myself? My safety?
Our response might begin with sounding like: “well, I am pissed!” but what is underneath that? If we get into the blame game, I invite us all to bring it back to a focus on self – because regardless of what triggers our reaction, how we react is wholely ours.
This takes practice friends, and a deep belief that there IS something to be learning from these interactions – faith that we CAN learn. Once we step into that truth – that we are all continuing to learn and evolve, then we can really trust that we can be the parent we want to be.
And what about the “demanding to find relief” part of what Matt wrote? Well we are already pretty skilled at this, aren’t we? Let’s consider some ways we find relief – we yell, we blame, we shame, we withdraw either physically or emotionally, some of us use substances – food, alcohol, drugs – to feel that relief.
And what do we know about all of these ways of relieving the pain and discomfort of our experience – they are short term and harmful to ourselves and others. BUT, they seem/feel easier than facing our shadow, and doing the inner work to grow and learn.
And clearly this is BIG. And it is HARD. And it requires us to decide to choose in time and time again…. AND YOU CAN. And isn’t this the ultimate act of compassion and integrity?? SELF compassion and PERSONAL integrity???
IF this is landing for you – bring it up to your therapist, or hire me to coach you and support you in this work, it is what I do! You don’t have to do this alone – the journey is meant to be traveled with others, IMO.
2019 is a year to walk together – to link arms and be in community. I will share a few ways to do that at the end of this podcast….
On a personal note – I want to share solidarity to all of you that deal with partners overseas and single parents. Ben has left us to do some big work in California on the electrical grid. We don’t know how long the work down there will take – could be months. I know it isn’t the SAME as being a single parent, I know that I have the luxury of knowing my partner will be coming home eventually, but I am looking at an extended period of time holding space for the kids without their dad here….
Clearly I will have ample opportunity to lean into the TRUTH of my experiences vs finding short term relief from what triggers me…
Self care will be crucial. Inviting my kids into more contribution will be crucial – this is a place we have gotten sloppy sloppy. Not that the kids aren’t contributing, just that there is very little structure, which makes me feel crazy and get naggy – no fun for anyone.
So yes, I am sure you will hear me mentioning missing my man over the next little bit….
As far as joyful courage is concerned – WOWZER! So much excitement. I have spent the last few weeks writing, recording and editing the interviews for the FIRST EVER parenting TEENS with Positive Discipline Audio Summit. OMG – it is SO GOOD!! 14 interviews with Positive Discipline Educators, Trainers and Lead Trainers who KNOW the trenches of raising teens. Register now – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit.
You will want to register, as I am going to be offering some sweet deals to those that register early in the month. I am so totally excited – again, the link is www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit . If you are a parent of a teenager, I also encourage you to hop into the Joyful Courage parents of teens FB group – this is a space of support and encouragement from other parents of teens. It is a small but growing group – full of insight and community, check it out.
I am also thrilled to invite you into the Joyful Courage Super Fam through Patreon. This is a group of people who value the podcast so much that they are contributing $10/month and enjoy the benefit of monthly webinars and online support from me. If $10 is to big of a stretch, you are welcome to get in there and contribute what you can. Find out more at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage.
Ahhhh – it is good to be back!! I missed you in December!!
Stay tuned, next week I will be sharing a powerful interview with return guest, Sarah Harvey Yoa talking about moving through the energy of emotions – the perfect follow up to todays topic!!! Big love!
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Audio summit for parents of teens
- One week of real conversations
- PD trainers who have already been through it
- The launch starts January 1st
- Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
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