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Today is solo show – woohoo!! I’ve been missing you all.
I am so excited to have been interviewed by some amazing gals out there in the Podcast world. Anna Seewald of the Authentic Parenting Podcast – www.authenticparenting.com/podcast had me on and we talked about building trust – both in ourselves and our kids. Loved every minute of it and can’t WAIT to meet Anna in person at her conference in May, the Authentic Parenting Conference – www.authenticparenting.com/conference.
I was also a guest on the TILT parenting podcast. Long time listeners of JC will know Debbie Reber from episodes 54 and 145. Debbie is the founder of TILT parenting and host of the TILT parenting podcast - http://www.tiltparenting.com/. Debbie and I talk about my book, Joyful Courage: Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey, and connect the dots around how doing our own work around self control and centering is useful for all parents, whether their children are typically or differently wired. Check out those shows!!!
Today I want to talk about a mantra that I have found useful time and time again. I learned it from a friend and mentor of mine – shout out to Denise Yost! – we saw each other for the first time in a while and when I asked her how she was, she responded with “fiercely committed, and lovingly detached”
Fiercely committed, lovingly detached.
It’s this a powerful come from for parenting?
What it means to be fiercely committed?
- Creating the environment
- Meeting their needs
- Advocating for them
- Being kind and firm
- Encouraging them
What does it mean to be lovingly detached?
- Allowing them to be who they are
- Allowing for them to build resiliency through navigating natural consequences
- Allowing them to be uncomfortable
- Trusting that they are on THEIR journey
- Letting go
- Giving them responsibility over their lives
What gets in the way?
- Our dreams/vision for them
- Our past/failures/mistakes
- Our assumptions
- Our addiction to what other people think
- Our insecurity about “doing it wrong”
- Our emotional regulation (or lack of)
- Our lens of the “right/wrong” way
What will help us move towards “fiercely committed, lovingly detached”?
Two list exercise.
- Challenges
- Everyone probably has a really similar list – YAY!
- Gifts
- Doubt that you have any particular job description…
- What about “happy”?
- Can we hope for content?
- Can we hope for healthy coping skills and resiliency?
- Can we hope for grounded and empowered?
- Remember the challenges are at the tip of the iceberg – and anything we “do” with the challenges should somehow, someway, teach/model/or allow our kids to PRACTICE the life skills we want them to embody.
A bit about DO.
- So often parents want to know WHAT DO I DO??
- In the moment tools
- This is a narrow mindset
- PD is a broader lens than in the moment.
- TRSUT in developing relationship
- TRUST that kids do better when they feel batter
- TRUST that all humans what to be connected and know that they matter and have influence
- In the moment?
- Keep everyone SAFE
- Acknowledge your child’s experience
- Look for solutions and/or ways of making things right
They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment.
- Just because they can tell you what they will do better next time during a calm moment does NOT mean they will access that when they are flipped
- Not about being naughty/bad – its about relationship, tools and practice
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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Today’s guest is Simone Davis. Simone is the author of the new book, The Montessori Toddler. Simone is an AMI Association Montessori International Montessori Educator. She lives in Amsterdam where she runs parent-child Montessori classes at Jacaranda Tree Montessori. Simone is the author of a popular blog, The Montessori Notebook. She is also mother to two young adults. We will be discussing toddlers. Join us!
"In Montessori it's an alternative education system where we're actually following each unique child on their own unique individual development.”
“We start to think that toddlers are giving us a hard time when actually it's them having a hard time.”
“We help them as much as necessary and as little as possible.”
“Montessori is somewhere in between, we call it freedom within limits.”
“It's really just how to communicate in an effective, respectful way.”
“it's really about trusting your child that they're on their own unique timeline and that they're different to everybody else.”
“I think of us as planting that seed as well and nurturing it so that we really recognize that each child's individual, how can I support and help them become the best version of themselves?”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What the Montessori philosophy is all about
- The role of multi-age modeling in a Montessori environment
- The importance of taking time for training
- Preparing the environment and what that looks like
- How Montessori builds community and independence
- Teaching kids to care for things and each other: values-based learning
- How breaking down steps reduces assumptions and frustration
- The benefits of the Montessori approach
- Applying Montessori principles to your home
- What gets in the way of parents for seeing the gifts of the toddler years
- Practicing neutral observation without assumption like a scientist
- How the quest for Independence is similar in the teen and toddler years
- Setting kind and clear limits
- The value of a rich language environment with the space to try new things
- Getting comfortable with repeating yourself
- The role of making amends and modeling doing so yourself
- The most important thing for parents of young children to know in order to shift into the Montessori mindset
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I do think that you can bring joy back into parenting. Like when you think of parenting a toddler, like you mentioned, it can be hard work, but actually when you see the world through your child's eyes and see that they're not trying to give you a hard time, but they're just kind of super curious, they grabbed that toy out of that child's hand because they want to play with it right now. That's as simple as it is. It's not that they're trying to be naughty and so the courage to follow your child, support them, like "I'm not going to let you take that toy. Let's wait together." But in a very kind and gentle way. And then you'll just find you're more relaxed as a parent and you'll enjoy seeing what your toddler can show you because they have so much to show us about being in the present moment. They'll spot those weeds growing up through the pavers as you walk down the street, they remind us to really slow down and to enjoy every bit of life because I've even just used to spend half an hour going to get the newspaper with my son and we'd walk across the road. It was a block, but it was such a delight to just slow down and enjoy all those little moments, those little toddling legs. I, just, yeah, I'm so grateful for that time and that I didn't let it pass me by.
Resources:
Dan Siegel hand model of the brain video
Where to find Simone:
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is OPEN– as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
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Winging it in the closet!
Thank you for the review, Lauren!
Listening to my clients and group participants…. Amazing the expansive way we can see/here for the other person.
- The idea that kids get into mischief, make mistakes, AND well meaning, loving parents get stuck into thinking “they are manipulating me/trying to get what they want/playng me”
- Foundation of Adlerian theory – behavior being movement in the direction of belonging and significance
- As young children – always perceiving/interpreting/beliefs/action (private logic)
- Do I belong?
- Do I matter?
- Do I have influence?
- Am I safe?
- We are asking and answering those questions through our own lens, which has been developed over time, through experience and relationships we have lived through
- Kids are cut and dry, their private logic is experienced as “truth”
- Perception of emotional safety matters
- “I’m curious… I notice you don’t want to talk about problems after the fact…. Can you tell me about that?”
- Goal is to help them observe themselves
- Having a conversation about the conversation
- Curiosity has no agenda, it’s not a “method”
- Curiosity is non-judgmental and open
- THIS TAKES PRACTICE PEOPLE!
- Call it out when the space feels judge-y and own what we have brought in the past
- Asking VS Telling Experiential activity
- Play with this!! Remember there are layers!!
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
::::
My guest today is Meagan Wilson. Meagan is the founder of Whole Family Rhythms and living out her mission of helping other mothers, caregivers, and educators to create more clarity and balance within the home. Meagan’s website and seasonal Guides provide support, information, and resources on conscious parenting inspired by the earth, the seasons, and each family’s own unique values. Together, a community of over 25 thousand like-minded Mothers and educators gather each day on her Instagram feed to discuss parenting with love, connection and rhythm.
"Connecting with your family values is this parenting partner exercise.”
“Visual cues, no matter what, they are always very helpful.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What living with the rhythms of the earth and the seasons means
- What it means to align your life with your values
- How to document your family values in a meaningful way
- Discussing your values as co-parents with extended family and caregivers
- Routine vs rhythm, in-breath vs out-breath times and what it all means
- Using visuals to create daily habits
- What it means to be a loving authority
- Being the author of the boundaries that you're holding
- Natural consequences - what they are
- Connecting to something higher than yourself - not necessarily religion
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I cheated a little bit. I looked up the word joy because I told you I really like looking at words. It led me to rejoice, which really made sense to me because when I first read it and thought what's joyful courage? I thought, you know, it's courage to live in that moment. You know, really ground yourself in the present moment. And even if there is suffering around, even if your child is upset and you're holding a space for that, you know, you're really in the moment. And I think that the word rejoice kind of fits in there because it's this sense of gratitude. It's gratitude for the present moment no matter what it's bringing us. So it might not always be this like very happy joy, but it's this sense of gratitude for the present moment and having the courage to try and connect with that as often as we can during the day.
Resources:
Where to find:
Whole Family Rhythms website - Joyful Courage landing page
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Hey there!!!
I’d like to start by giving a shout out to the most recent review that the show has received on iTunes – form You are my sunshine
I hear from so many of you about how this podcast support you – if you will, please take the time to write a review – it helps the show in so many ways, one of which is that it makes it more likely to get in front of new listeners!! Thank you –
Myths of Positive Parenting
- That everything is peaceful all the time
PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting styles
Kind AND firm can feel elusive
We are all human beings having a human experience
- That kids don’t get into mischief
Kids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems…. well…. Inconvenient.
Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
- That you will enjoy every minute
Uhmmm, who started this rumor?? I guess there are parents out there that truly are in bliss-land all the time when it comes to their kids and parenting. I honestly don’t KNOW them, but maybe they exist. We can love our kids UNCONDITIONALLY, with NO DOUBT, for SURE, AND not enjoy every single minute. AND this does not make us bad parents.
Realities of Positive Parenting
- It takes work
Many of us are coming into parenting with all sorts of baggage, and we are all on different parts of the journey of self awareness. Having children, I think, gives us a choice – 1. Resist growing and evolving and stay stuck in power struggles and pain, or 2. Be open to learning and growing and enjoy a connected relationship with our children.
And being open to learning and growing is no small thing. The journey puts everything that we believe, everything that we know to be true in front of us with the question, “what if this isn’t true?” “what if there is another way to see this?” “what if this is simply MY truth?”
And then we get to decide how tight to hold on, how attached to remain --- its wild!
- It is more about your self regulation than anything else
I read a great article by Mona Delahooke about challenging behavior and self regulation. She says, “Too often what we expect from children makes a false assumption: that children possess “top-down” control that allows them to think about their bodies and minds and control their behaviors. The truth is that may behaviorally challenged children don’t yet have this ability.
Parents tend to believe that if a child sometimes displays control, then the child always has the ability to do so. That mistaken belief reveals an expectation gap—a disparity between adults’ assumptions and a child’s abilities.”
And – “Self-regulation is a developmental process that we can nurture and encourage in one way: through the experience of emotional co-regulation with caring and attuned adults.”
I love this, because it aligns with what I believe – this work is about US getting our shit together. Yes, of course we want the same for our kids AND, like Dr. Delahooke states, it requires parents to be regulated and attuned to their kids. Toddlers to teens, people.
- You child’s behavior is not an accurate indicator of “doing it right”
This is a biggy – all along the way, right? From how they potty train to whether or not they experiment with substances – we are quick to take the blame when things go sideways. And while I DO believe there are ways of being in relationship with our kids that support them in learning and growing, there are also other factors at work – like brain development, temperament, beliefs they have about themselves and others, relationships they are navigating….
What if instead of judging ourselves by our children’s mistakes and mis-steps, we flip the whole thing over and start to tune in with what our relationship with our child is…??
Ask yourself, what does it look like when your child screws up? How are you showing up for them? What are the dots they are connecting? Is there space for them to actually TAKE and HOLD responsibility, or are you, perhaps, unknowingly holding that responsibility?
This has been coming up SO MUCH lately, with the parents in the Parenting Teen Academy that I am running, as well as with private clients AND in my own home. We have a vision for our kids, don’t we? I mean even the most evolved of us want our children to grow into healthy, happy, fulfilled adults, right? How many of us are asking our kids what THEY want? I know that is kind of a “duh” question, but really – WHAT DO THEY WANT?
And I am going to make a very unscientific, not yet backed by science claim, that kids in connected, supportive relationships with their parents, who have a basic idea of what they want, and are allowed to make mistakes, tend to feel that THEIR PATH IS THEIRS THE CREATE AND FOLLOW.
Doesn’t mean they don’t screw up, doesn’t mean they don’t feel the tension of failure – BUT THIS IS WHERE LIFE SKILLS GROW!! We learn through our experiences – and the learning goes next level when there is also someone there to love and support us when we flail
- It is messy
Period. It just is. And even the people that you know who really have it together experience the messiness in one way or another. Doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of love. The messiness is a part of the territory, people, so grab a meditation cushion and settle in for the ride.
I say it all the time – I learned it from my friend and mentor, Jody McVittie – the most powerful tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship with nurture with our kids.
And I have a special message for those of you with teenagers right now – there isn’t time to dick around. IF you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, if you are feeling worried or scared about where you are at, if you feel like maybe you’ve missed the window, YOU HAVE NOT. There is room for you to learn some new tools, there is time to rebuild relationship. You owe it to your kids to try something new and different.
The Parenting Teens Academy is all about this! It is a VALUABLE 4 weeks of community and content DESIGNED to support you in growing connection and responsibility in your home.
Each week you get:
- Positive Discipline philosophy and strategies, as well as content around personal growth, to weave into your daily life.
- You get to be a part of a like minded group of parents who are IN IT WITH YOU and supporting you along the way.
- You get and hour long one on one call where you and I get to focus directly on what is most important to you right now, with actionable steps for following through with the learning.
- You get the ENTIRE Parenting Teens with PD Audio Summit as a resource to keep forever
But you have to apply before April 7th.
I am capping the program at 20 participants, and applications are already coming in. I want to be sure that we are a good fit, and that you are ready to do the work and be a part of the community.
If you’ve made it this far, I am going be direct and just say – apply now.
Here is what current participants are saying:
“I am using the content daily and I am feeling like the house and kids are happy for it!”
“There have been so many "ahas" in this program! The things my teen is going through is exactly what he's supposed to be experiencing. Though many of his behaviors are challenging right now, they will serve him well as he becomes independent. A lot of my behaviors are because I have been taking these changes personally and because of fear, and my response is the part of the equation that I can control. Looking closely at my own behavior and gradually making changes to my approach will help me build and maintain a positive relationship with my teen.”
“I have so much confidence in Casey's leadership. It feels very vulnerable to discuss our family challenges with others and dig into my own emotionally raw places. Casey has created a safe and supportive class environment by sharing her own experiences, wisdom and vulnerability while setting expectations of confidentiality and trust within our group.”
I am going to be unapologetic about encouraging you to apply now for this program. It is making a HUGE difference in the lives of parents, and I really don’t want you to miss your chance!!
Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt for more info and to apply. You will also find testimonials there, and FAQs - That is www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt - you will NOT be sorry. Again, I am taking applications through April 7th and the four week program begins Monday, May 6th.
CAN”T WAIT!!
Tune in again next week – I will be sharing an interview with Meagan Wilson – you may know her from Whole Family Rythms. She and I talk a lot about finding and creating flow in the routines of our family. LOVED this convo – until then – BIG LOVE!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens
SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.
Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.
For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt
"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!