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Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

Joyful Courage is a Conscious Parenting Podcast. Be inspired, entertained and educated as we navigate the challenges and celebrations of choosing to be a conscious parent. Interviews and solo shows will provide listeners with tools, strategies and inspiration that can be directly applied to their parenting journey.
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Now displaying: 2019
Mar 19, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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First – let me tell you how much I love the show, Parenthood, on Netflix....

Casey is on solo with you today digging into what it means to trust the process in the context of parenting, Positive Discipline, and leaning on our relationship as the most powerful way to influence our kids behavior.

What does this mean?

  • Hitting stage
  • Homework stage

The relationships/ life skill development journey

When we are stuck in a place with our kids it is easy to believe that it will “always be like this”

  • Change happens over time
  • If we want something to be different we have to BE different
    • The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time
      • All it take is one person to change the dance (YOU)

What it means to be in an honest open relationship with your children

  • What can feel like the dark side
  • Curiosity and stalling when you don’t know what to do
  • Notice your fear and let it guide you to pausing
  • Gather your resources
  • Listen to your gut

How to voice concerns without blaming or condemning (thermometer activity)

  • Encouraging vs discouraging out kids
    • When they are discouraged by OUR behavior they shift OUT OF taking responsibility or even thinking about their own behavior

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Authentic Parenting Conference

Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!

I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.

If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!

Come play with me!!

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Mar 12, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!

 

"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”

 

“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”

 

“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”

 

“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality
  • Normalizing conversations about sexuality
  • Separating nudity from eroticism
  • Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers
  • Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids
  • Double standards applied to boys and girls
  • Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships
  • The importance of knowing your kids’ friends
  • What the research says about teenage sex
  • What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex
  • The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids
  • Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable
  • Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids
  • Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.

 

Resources:

Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality

 

Where to find Bonnie:

Website

Twitter

Facebook

Instagram

 

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Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

 

This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.

 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

 

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

 

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Mar 5, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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How we influence the iceberg

 Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior

  • Battles over homework
  • Power struggles
  • Screen time addiction
  • Getting out the door
    • We are mega focused on fixing those problems

The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about

Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:

Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door

  • Two options for response:
    • What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
      • Bribes, threats, punishments
    • What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?

 Go to the source

  • Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..
  • With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better

Transparency

  • Rowan talking about the future
    • Agitated, closed off, defensive
    • Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo
    • We both are discouraged and the convo is over
  • Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation
    • Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future
    • What is the experience?
    • IS it only with me or others?
    • Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?
    • What would be useful about having a vision of the future?
      • Deeper even still
      • I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?

 Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….

  • How do we let go?
  • What do they need?
  • Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….
  • Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation
  • Honor who they are and their temperament
    • I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.

 Summing it up:

  • Recognize how we are contributing to challenges
  • Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience.
  • Identify the ACTUAL problem
  • Be an open, nonjudgmental listener
  • Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful)
  • Be respectful
  • Honor who you child is in word and action

Before I go….

I have a really exciting update on my BOOK!!

Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey

This is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. 

Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.

Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!

The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already.  Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join

Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!!  I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Feb 26, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Sid Garza-Hillman, who is a podcaster and youtuber. He's the author of Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto and Raising Healthy Parents, Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family. Sid graduated from UCLA with a BA in philosophy and is a public speaker, certified nutritionist and Small Steps Coach. He teaches people around the world his unique small steps approach to healthy living at www.smallsteppers.com. His latest podcast, What Sid Thinks is currently available on iTunes. Sid is the Wellness Programs Director at the Stanford Inn Eco Resort. He's an ultra runner and race director for the Mendocino coast 50k trail ultra marathon. Join us!

 

"However you want to parent, you can't pull that off unless you're feeling good in your life”

 

“If we can sort of tip the scales in our favor most of the time, then we win the day”

 

“We are not robots. Our kids aren't robots. We're humans with human emotions and experiences and lenses and it's just so messy.”

 

“If we can really focus on how we be and how we show up, that's going to inspire, inform, empower and influence what we do.”

 

“Maybe the perfect version of the human being is one that that is about self care and compassion and has a core of ethic that informs their actions most of the time. ”

 

“Who am I at my best?”

 

“You've been defining yourself by how you've been in the external world, when that's been in complete conflict with actually what you stand for and what you value.”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Breaking old patterns and habits - managing expectations
  • The knowledge and implementation gap
  • Small Stepping - what is it and what does
  • Are poor choices your problem or your solution?
  • Finding ways to manage stress and making choices to increase the likelihood of success
  • Dissipating stress - making healthier choices to do so
  • Setting the stage for actual change vs relying on willpower
  • Identifying who you are as a parent
  • Reminding yourself of who you are
  • Change as a process of coming into alignment with who you really are
  • Mistakes as a way to model the human experience
  • Dealing with making mistakes with your kids
  • What is a small step?
  • The Goldilocks effect of stress - what is it and how do you find it??
  • The value of outside interests in parenting and relationships
  • The role of joy in how you show up as a parent
  • Finding 10 minute pockets of joy and what to fill it with
  • The role of self care in our attitude towards parenting

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I would say even people who listen to your podcast, I would say people who, who are even thinking about making improvements as a parent, there was a huge, to me, an inspiring level of courage there that we are saying in the midst of a very challenging world, that's all I'm sure has always been challenging, but we always think this is the most challenging, but for whatever reasons it seems challenging. Yet in spite of that and in spite of the things we read on the news about horrible things that happen in schools and all these kinds of things, in spite of that we're showing up and we're taking our kids and we're doing the best we can and we want to do better. And there's an amazing amount of courage in that simply that decision then to take that further and say, I not only want it, but I want to do it is again, it actually is courageous in the real true meaning of the word. Where I see joyful part of that is to me, my interpretation of that is that it is all to the end of joy, it is all to the end of we do this because we love our kids and we do this because we want to have a meaningful life. And that includes raising families, for many people. And you know, the most meaningful thing for me is raising my children and like we talked about before, you know, letting them see my flaws and letting and my wife letting them see her flaws and understanding there's a certain beauty in that and a joy in that and growing strong kids to be okay with their flaws is just awesome. So anyway, that's where I see joyful courage.

 

Resources:

Raising Healthy Parents: Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family

Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto

Small Steppers

 

Where to find Sid:

Website

What Sid Thinks Podcast

Youtube

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Feb 19, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::::

Snowy February in Washington state – wowzer!

 

Today I am talking about screens and technology

 

Exciting news- Lisa Damour, author of Untangled and new book Under Pressure: Confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls

  • Big deal
  • How I get guests
  • How many say no

 

My book has a launch date!!

  • Presale April 10th
  • Official Launch May 20th
  • Join newsletter to keep up with all of the book news and the incentives I am putting together for those of you that choose into presale

 

iTunes Reviews!!!

  • From January, a five star review from @chrisnjess – “I found you through Birds and bees and kids and as your podcast began, it was as if you were speaking from my own mothering journey. I feel as if you are another angel in my continuing mothering journey. I found your podcast episode bery insightful, information, and affirming. I am tuning in!!
    • Thank you @chrisnjess!!!! And you all know how much I love Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and kids – did you know she started a podcast too? It’s called “Just say this” - Check it out on itunes or wherever you are listening to podcasts
  • The podcast also received a five star review earlier this month from @urfmama – “ Casey is like my long lost sister that I’ve never met. Like minded is an understatement. When I was feeling down with my mothering I searched “positive Discipline” in podcasts and eureka! Joyful Courage appeared like a bright star in the dark night. I eat this podcast up, I tell every parent I know about it. I find myself nodding while I listen as I do my housework. I feel like my hand is being held and I ‘m gently being led through this incredibly strategic yet unpredictable “chess game” of parenting. Do yourself a favor and soak in the wisdom that Joyful Courage so generously shares. Thank you, Casey, much love from the heartland.”
    • THANK YOU @URFMAMA – one day, one day our paths will cross.

 

  • YES! Thank you to everyone that is jumping into itunes to leave reviews – this helps with my visibility – meaning more people are likely to find me – and it also just FEELS SO GOOD to read and know that what I am doing over here in the guest room of my house MATTERS.

 

Ok….  On to todays content.

 

Screens

 

Why?

  • It is coming up in the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens community, it is coming up in calls with clients, it is coming up in my own life and practice with my kids
  • FOR CERTAIN: it is a big pain in the ass

 

Today I am going to share and inquiry from my own experience – not because I know the way, or I have it all figured out, but because I am IN IT with you.

  • Remember last April when I had Dr. Delaney Runston on and we talked about her documentary, Screenagers? There are so many pearls of wisdom and research in my convo with her – be sure to listen or relisten - http://www.joyfulcourage.com/podcast/140
  • I also had a powerful conversation with one of my colleagues, a positive discipline Lead trainer, about this during the teen summit, which is available to invest in through the end of this month at joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
  • I spoke with Kim Muench about this back in episode 82 – Parenting in the Age of Smart phones…
  • Plus, it has come up in loads of other conversations
  • IT’S NOT GOING AWAY

 

Here are some of the pain points I am hearing from the community AND experiencing myself:

  • Limits and boundaries
  • How much to monitor
  • Broken agreements
  • The arguing
  • The internet is forever
  • How will they develop real relationship skills when everything is over text/IM/Snaps
  • Online/SM bullying
  • Sexting/nudes
  • How much time is too much time to be on their phones
  • How to be the lone parents who waits to get their child a phone
  • How to support kids with friends when they don’t have SM/phones
  • Restricting what they do/see on their devices
  • Begin real and honest about our OWN (parents) phone use
  • Using devices as avoidance/escape

 

Let’s check in with the kids:

 

  • How did you feel about making agreements about screens?
  • What is your experience with social media?
  • What do you not like about the phone and SM? What kinds of things do you see happening?
  • Where do you feel like it gets in the way of life? Or do you?
  • What do you like about it?
  • How do you feel about me when I am on your case about your phone use?
  • What do you see me modeling with my phone use?
  • You have some restrictions on your phone – is that helpful?

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Feb 12, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::

 

Today’s guest is Oren Jay Sofer, the author of Say What You Mean - A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centres and education settings around the US. Oren is a graduate of the IMS Spirit Rock teacher training program. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, teaches in the Insight Meditation community and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a certified trainer of non-violent communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for a number of organizations including Mindful Schools, Kaiser Permanente, and 10% Happier. He lives in Richmond, California. Join us!

 

"If we can’t actually listen to each other and have a meaningful conversation when we disagree, it’s impossible to work together to address the challenges that we’re facing”

 

“We can’t wait for the opportunities where presence is needed to practice presence.”

 

“Even when we can't meet our child's needs we can help them to know and recognize that their needs matter to us.”

 

“Our feelings are a reflection of our needs.”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

  • Being in response vs reaction
  • Communication as a way of navigating conflict mindfully
  • 3 foundations for successful conversations and effective communication
  • The role of presence in communication
  • The ambient stress of raising a child
  • Owning our responses in times of stress
  • Exercising self-compassion in relation to parenting-related stress
  • Integrating moments of awareness into your day
  • Creating daily rituals into mindfulness
  • Mindfulness as a way to mitigate cumulative stress
  • Mindfulness as a way to be present in our relationships
  • Mindfulness as awareness and a way to raise our baseline kindness and presence
  • Preparing for parenting with mindfulness through practicing
  • Practice as a way of creating a new way of being
  • Creating awareness of the impact of our actions on others
  • Discussing our needs instead of blame
  • Being realistic about our ability to meet all of our child’s needs
  • Intention in communication and mindfulness
  • Approaching communication from a place of curiosity and care
  • Curiosity as a way of being
  • The need for intention to be genuine
  • Feelings of a reflection of needs
  • Increasing emotional literacy to enhance communication
  • Helping children to problem solve as an alternative to “consequences”
  • Connecting before correcting
  • Conflict as an opportunity for learning
  • Where to start when you realize you need to improve your communication
  • Learning to pause, be curious and consider the needs of others
  • Connection through perspective shift

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

So I think what joyful courage means to me is it's rooted in the recognition that the places that we struggle, the places that we're scared of the places that we feel pain actually hold the precious gift of our own freedom and when we recognize that having the courage to turn towards those places and to actually include them in our life and learn from them becomes a process that's joyful because we know why we're doing it. It's not just about “I've got to trudge through this” but we've experienced to some degree and have a deep faith that there's there's actually a gift waiting for me on the other side.

 

Resources:

Say What You Mean book

Parenting From Your Heart: Sharing the Gifts of Compassion, Connection, and Choice (Nonviolent Communication Guides)

Text “guided” 44222 to sign up for a short ebook and free guided meditation series

 

Where to find Oren:

Website

Instagram

Facebook

Twitter

LinkedIn

Youtube

           

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Feb 5, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::

 

Recap of the summit

  • What happens when we start having real conversations?
  • Community/support
  • Seeing participants in real life
  • Recognizing our attachments and course correcting
  • Gratitude to guests
  • Gratitude to participants
  • $109 and it is your for eva

 

Saw Brene Brown

  • Seen before
  • Appreciate her realness
  • Familiar stories
  • Story of daughter swimming and conversation around being brave IS winning
  • Are these the conversations we are having with our kids? Are we explicit?

 

What we notice and what we speak

  • Life skills/qualities
  • Negativity bias
  • How often they ARE using tools/skills – it’s just when they don’t if feels so PAINFUL
  • Our expectation of mastery
  • Layers going on under the surface (meaning of behavior with Alison Smith 110, Iceberg Metaphor solo show 129)

 

What it takes to stay focused under the surface

  • Vulnerability and humility – it may not be about you
  • Faith
  • Trust/surrender – let go of your attachment to how you think it should be, and also the idea that you KNOW what’s happening for your child when they haven’t expressed it
  • The idea that all humans ultimately want connecting and to know they matter. All of them. We are hard wired to connect

 

Our language and messages:

  • Week three at MMS we dug into encouragement vs praise
    • Process oriented
    • Really seeing the child
    • Naming qualities with evidence
      • My story this morning with the waffles and “what do I do with the mix?”
    • I notice, I appreciate, I trust/know/have faith
    • Not for the short term/immediate – but for the long term, internal voice (ep 136 with Kelly Bos about how NOT to become the voice of your child’s inner critic) it is about below the surface, about supporting our kids in changing what they believe about themselves

 

I am going to do a webinar this month in the Patreon community to diver deeper into encouragement and I hope you join in! The Joyful Courage Super Fam is a group of parents who are giving $10/month to the podcast to support in the sustainability and create a win/win. Members of the community enjoy monthly webinars and online support through our closed facebook page. Check it out at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage

 

Have a beautiful week my friends!!  I am going to be watching my tone this week and really working on the sometimes unspoken messages I am sending to my kids when I am less than mindful of what I am doing – and clean up any messes along the way.

 

Big love!!

 

:::::

Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!

The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.

 

Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

 

:::::

Be a Subscriber

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Jan 29, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today’s guest is Rachel Butler. She is an executive and professional coach, an organizational health expert, a wife and mother of 2 boys she is one of those unique women who is both powerhouse and presence. She's a master in organizational systems and she's worked with over 325 organizations. Rachel embodies what it means to be an empowered woman and a conscious mom. Rachel and her mama business partner Gillian Rowinski are the voices behind Unlearning SuperMom a feminist website that supports equal rights and opportunities for women and empowering all of us. We will be discussing Unlearning SuperMom. Join us!

 

"Our culture has clearly defined what being a good mom should look like and it is oppressive. The martyrdom of being busy, being agreeable, putting everyone else first, running yourself ragged. If super mom is who we become when we are in this world with our eyes closed then unlearning her is a deeply courageous feminist act.”

 

“Are we doing it because it's a “should” or are we doing it because it’s something that brings us joy?”

 

“It’s really hard not to get into comparison-itis.”

 

“I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

-The impact of childcare costs on returning to work for moms

-The emotional conflict about returning to work

-Keeping it real as a mom

-Who is super mom and where does she come from?

-Re-learning our inherent self-worth that is not based in accomplishment

-Motherhood and martyrdom: when we put ourselves last

-Motherhood messaging and where it comes from

-History of motherhood and women’s work

-The perceived value of women based on their relationship with their children

-Child centred social media messages and guilt

-The value of the messy middle

-Being aware of social media messaging and how it impacts us

-Where do you start unlearning super mom?

-Ways to dip your toe in to shifting towards unlearning super mom

-Stages of learning from awareness

-The mental load we carry

-Checking in with your body

 

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

I think one of the phrases that most triggering, I already even brought it up in this conversation, the triggering for me as a parent is like "Oh, just like enjoy every moment. It goes by so fast" that statement brings so much anxiety to me and I really understand the intention of it. I do. But for me and I feel like I'm, you know, I'm someone who's like maybe even obsessively working towards like enjoying, you know, trying to be with my kids and you know, so I find it really and I'm sort of a nostalgic person anyway. So anyway, I get a lot of anxiety from that statement and so I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it, you know.

 

So I think from, you know, the most impactful things, you know, profound things that I've learned as a parent has really come from, like, the more painful moments of the parent, like some of the suffering that's come, you know, and what I've been able to learn from that and being able to sort of meet it, you know, meet and face all of the really messy stuff and and I think that really is courage, right, like coming up to that really scary, whether it's personal work or complex relationships or whatever and showing up for them.

 

So I think the, you know, joyful courage to me in that context is really about looking for the meaning and just showing up in your life and allowing that to not, you know, that what's there to not be good or bad, you know and not treating happiness like it's the pinnacle of life experience.

 

Resources:

Women Who Run With The Wolves

16 Second Meditation

Unlearning Supermom Retreat

 

Where to find Sara:

Unlearning Supermom

Instagram

Facebook

 

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THANK YOU to everyone who has already become a parton, your support is so appreciated!!

 

Don’t wait, head over to http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourageand sign up today  

 

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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Jan 22, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Today is a solo show all about being the calm inside the storm.  That is the dream, isn’t it?? Listen in as I tease apart what this means and offer ideas and strategies around hwo to get there more often.

 

·      Parenting class

·      Summit

·      Podcast conversations

·      E+R=O

·      Events and experiences….  3 Bs

·      What if nothing changes?

·      What if all we have is how we feel inside of the experience?

·      What do we want to BE/FEEL/CREATE??

·      Feedback matters – internal vs external validation

·      Parenting is a PART of our life that can feel like our WHOLE life

·      Energy of emotion

·      Personal work, small steps with Sid, ACES with Sarah – unlearning supermom

·      Stuck in what it should look like

·      What about acceptance of what is? What about surrender to not knowing the outcome?

·      Influence yes. Hard work and practice, yes.

·      AND you decide how to respond from life --- worry fear, that is the present moment experience you create. Openness, love, that is the present moment experience you create.

·      Think about, bring about – energetically we are always influencing our life, our experience

:::

Audio summit for parents of teens

-       One week of real conversations

-       PD trainers who have already been through it

-       The launch starts January 1st

-       Summit will run January 28th – February 1st

 

REGISTER NOWwww.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Jan 15, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

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Join Patreon

Sign up to be a part of the Patreon community today!! You will enjoy monthly webinars, online coaching and support from a caring community of like minded parents.

Click here for more information.

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Today’s guest is Sara Harvey Yao. Sara is a leadership consultant who has developed more than 4,000 leaders across the globe. She specializes in helping leaders navigate pressure and stress by staying present in the moment. Sara is the author of two books, Get Present and Drop In. She’s the mother of two teen boys and can speak firsthand to how the power of presence can transform the parenting experience. We will be discussing. Join us!

 

"Naming feelings opens the doorways for the energy of emotion to metabolize.”

“When we’re in emotion, we’re in a different part of our brain than the language center so it’s often hard to articulate what we’re feeling.”

“Anger...is a signal fire. Something is going on here. It’s a sign your boundaries have been crossed.”

 

What you’ll hear in this episode:

-How naming emotions helps us process them

-Facilitating our movement through emotions in the parenting journey

-The power of acknowledging, even to ourselves, when we are struggling

-Feeling vs thinking

-Attitudes and beliefs about feelings that contribute to feeling “stuck”

-Helping our kids name and process feelings and the role of modeling

-Normalizing emotions for our kids

-Anger as a secondary emotion

-What’s really under anger

-Exploring our triggers and where our feelings are coming from

-Establishing a common language with your kids to discuss feelings

-How to support ourselves and our kids to regulate emotions

What does Joyful Courage mean to you?

The courage to try something new and if that’s new to, I’m going to try a new parenting technique, if that means I’m going to sit with a feeling instead of stuffing it, I’m actually going to say something instead of not saying something, any new behavior to me takes deep, deep, deep courage and when we take those leaps into courage, for me it always ends up being really joyful. There’s such an empowered, a sense of empowerment and it leads to new opportunities or new directions that I might not have known about if I hadn’t been courageous. So those two words fit so beautifully together, it’s just joyful courageousness when we try something new.

Resources:

Get Present

Drop In

Dan Siegel, Flipping Your Lid

Listen to past show with Sara: Episode 68

Listen to Mindfulness Min Summit 

Where to find Sara:

Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn

 :::

Audio Summit for Parents of Teens

  • One week of real conversations

  • PD trainers who have already been through it

  • The launch starts January 1st

  • Summit will run January 28th – February 1st

REGISTER NOWwww.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

Jan 8, 2019

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage.  Raising our children while growing ourselves...

:::

Eps 169

Happy New Year!!

Hope everyone had an easy breezy holiday. Grateful to friends and family and all the ways we were supported to enjoy the season. 

So much to be excited about. 

I want to share a couple of reviews that came through Apple Podcast last month– I am always so grateful when you all are willing to show up there and provide feedback.

This is the podcast I recommend most to friends. Casey has such a great way of breaking down parenthood challenges and offering tips and commiseration with humility. She doesn’t come across as preachy and she is in it with us! Her guests are phenomenal, her interviewing skills are wonderful and her solo show insights always resonate! She’s experiences the humility of parenthood at all stages and it’s evident she truly wants to help. Thank you, Casey!  - Cassthurston

I’m a new listener and found you through your excellent Tina Payne Bryson interview. Just listened to your 2018 recap epsiode, as well. Great work! I’ve subscribed and will be a regular listener. I also look forward to reading your book! Thank you for your excellent, realistic parenting insights! – GAC Sunshine

Thank you so much, you two!!  And listeners, if you’d like to rate and review the show, I am going to be sharing reviews here – you may hear your name!!!  I am really going to be encouraging you all to be sharing the show. I know that the content of this podcast Is useful – you tell me so!!!  And I want as many parents as possible to be listening in. This is how we raise a generation that can lead with compassion and integrity - by parenting this way. So in this context, parenting IS social justice. Lets all be a part of changing the course by not only doing our own work to be more attuned and empathetic parents, but to support others in the work as well!

This is something I will be talking a lot about in 2019. Compassion and integrity. And our DUTY to be engaging in conversations that support and forward others this way too! It can feel vulnerable and scary – but too bad. It has to happen.

Speaking of compassion and integrity – and for the sake of the conversation, I define compassion as sympathetic consciousness of another persons suffering and integrity as being honest, decent, and walking our talk – these are two big themes that I want to highlight this year – both in my personal practice of being a parent and a human on the planey, as well as with the people I work with and all of you.

Compassion and integrity.

Today, I am going to share a bit about a book I am reading that is really blowing my mind, it is called The Path is Everywhere; uncovering the jewels hidden within you, by Matt Lacata.  If you’ve listened to the show for very long, you know that I love my energy worker/reiki master friend (shout out to Jessica) and she has turned me on to the work of Matt. I am using this book as part of my soul care time, reading a few pages in the morning to gather inspiration.

I am not very far into the book, and what I read this morning gave me pause and I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring it here to discuss with all of you.

The first part of the book is about what the author calls our “shadow” – this is the part of ourselves that lays dormant until it is jostled into wakefulness. Another way to make sense of it is the way that we feel when we are triggered. Our shadow is who takes over when we are riding the emotional freight train. The parts of ourselves that we may cloak in shame or guilt – the parts that we keep hidden.

Most of us have a tendency to want to hide our shadow, keep it deep inside of ourselves, not let it see the light of day. Many of us may think we are pretty successful with this – until we aren’t. A lot of the clients I see come to me because their shadow is making appearances in the parenting journey and they want to fix it, they want to make it go away.

I have a shadow as well – she wants control and order, she wants to know the outcome, and she wants everyone to be on her agenda. My shadow takes the behavior of others deeply personally, quickly manifesting fear, rejection and disrespect whenever I experience criticism and ridicule.

My shadow, your shadow – our shadows are a part of who we are. And if, like me, you subscribe to life being purposeful, then perhaps our shadow isn’t something that we should turn away from, or get rid of. Perhaps our shadow is something we can turn towards and get curious about.

You all know that I love the personal growth and development conversation. You know that I see parenting as one long personal growth and development workshop. And if you have been listening for any length of time, you know that I am deeply invested in supporting others in doing this work along with me.

This is why I am talking about shadow work today.

Matt Lacata writes:

It is important that we cultivate the intention to become more interested in the truth of our experience than in the demand to find relief from our symptoms.

Putting this in the context of parenting, especially as we look ahead to a brand new year and choosing in to growth and possibility, we can consider the truth of our experiences as taking a magnifying lens to our current struggles – bring in curiosity, ownership, honesty – and ask ourselves questions like: What am I meant to learn here? What is going on for me? What is the emotion that I can connect to right here right now? What is the story I am telling myself about my child? Myself? My safety?

Our response might begin with sounding like: “well, I am pissed!” but what is underneath that? If we get into the blame game, I invite us all to bring it back to a focus on self – because regardless of what triggers our reaction, how we react is wholely ours.

This takes practice friends, and a deep belief that there IS something to be learning from these interactions – faith that we CAN learn.  Once we step into that truth – that we are all continuing to learn and evolve, then we can really trust that we can be the parent we want to be.

And what about the “demanding to find relief” part of what Matt wrote? Well we are already pretty skilled at this, aren’t we? Let’s consider some ways we find relief – we yell, we blame, we shame, we withdraw either physically or emotionally, some of us use substances – food, alcohol, drugs – to feel that relief.

And what do we know about all of these ways of relieving the pain and discomfort of our experience – they are short term and harmful to ourselves and others.  BUT, they seem/feel easier than facing our shadow, and doing the inner work to grow and learn.

And clearly this is BIG. And it is HARD. And it requires us to decide to choose in time and time again…. AND YOU CAN. And isn’t this the ultimate act of compassion and integrity??  SELF compassion and PERSONAL integrity???

IF this is landing for you – bring it up to your therapist, or hire me to coach you and support you in this work, it is what I do! You don’t have to do this alone – the journey is meant to be traveled with others, IMO.

2019 is a year to walk together – to link arms and be in community. I will share a few ways to do that at the end of this podcast….

On a personal note – I want to share solidarity to all of you that deal with partners overseas and single parents. Ben has left us to do some big work in California on the electrical grid. We don’t know how long the work down there will take – could be months. I know it isn’t the SAME as being a single parent, I know that I have the luxury of knowing my partner will be coming home eventually, but I am looking at an extended period of time holding space for the kids without their dad here….   

Clearly I will have ample opportunity to lean into the TRUTH of my experiences vs finding short term relief from what triggers me…

Self care will be crucial. Inviting my kids into more contribution will be crucial – this is a place we have gotten sloppy sloppy. Not that the kids aren’t contributing, just that there is very little structure, which makes me feel crazy and get naggy – no fun for anyone.

So yes, I am sure you will hear me mentioning missing my man over the next little bit…. 

As far as joyful courage is concerned – WOWZER! So much excitement. I have spent the last few weeks writing, recording and editing the interviews for the FIRST EVER parenting TEENS with Positive Discipline Audio Summit. OMG – it is SO GOOD!! 14 interviews with Positive Discipline Educators, Trainers and Lead Trainers who KNOW the trenches of raising teens. Register now – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit.

You will want to register, as I am going to be offering some sweet deals to those that register early in the month. I am so totally excited – again, the link is www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit  . If you are a parent of a teenager, I also encourage you to hop into the Joyful Courage parents of teens FB group – this is a space of support and encouragement from other parents of teens. It is a small but growing group – full of insight and community, check it out.

I am also thrilled to invite you into the Joyful Courage Super Fam through Patreon. This is a group of people who value the podcast so much that they are contributing $10/month and enjoy the benefit of monthly webinars and online support from me. If $10 is to big of a stretch, you are welcome to get in there and contribute what you can. Find out more at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage.

Ahhhh – it is good to be back!!  I missed you in December!!

Stay tuned, next week I will be sharing a powerful interview with return guest, Sarah Harvey Yoa talking about moving through the energy of emotions – the perfect follow up to todays topic!!!  Big love!

:::

Audio summit for parents of teens

  • One week of real conversations
  • PD trainers who have already been through it
  • The launch starts January 1st
  • Summit will run January 28th – February 1st

REGISTER NOWwww.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit

:::::

Be a Subscriber

Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!!  AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!

CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!

 

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