::::
Winging it in the closet!
Thank you for the review, Lauren!
Listening to my clients and group participants…. Amazing the expansive way we can see/here for the other person.
- The idea that kids get into mischief, make mistakes, AND well meaning, loving parents get stuck into thinking “they are manipulating me/trying to get what they want/playng me”
- Foundation of Adlerian theory – behavior being movement in the direction of belonging and significance
- As young children – always perceiving/interpreting/beliefs/action (private logic)
- Do I belong?
- Do I matter?
- Do I have influence?
- Am I safe?
- We are asking and answering those questions through our own lens, which has been developed over time, through experience and relationships we have lived through
- Kids are cut and dry, their private logic is experienced as “truth”
- Perception of emotional safety matters
- “I’m curious… I notice you don’t want to talk about problems after the fact…. Can you tell me about that?”
- Goal is to help them observe themselves
- Having a conversation about the conversation
- Curiosity has no agenda, it’s not a “method”
- Curiosity is non-judgmental and open
- THIS TAKES PRACTICE PEOPLE!
- Call it out when the space feels judge-y and own what we have brought in the past
- Asking VS Telling Experiential activity
- Play with this!! Remember there are layers!!
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/book
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
::::
My guest today is Meagan Wilson. Meagan is the founder of Whole Family Rhythms and living out her mission of helping other mothers, caregivers, and educators to create more clarity and balance within the home. Meagan’s website and seasonal Guides provide support, information, and resources on conscious parenting inspired by the earth, the seasons, and each family’s own unique values. Together, a community of over 25 thousand like-minded Mothers and educators gather each day on her Instagram feed to discuss parenting with love, connection and rhythm.
"Connecting with your family values is this parenting partner exercise.”
“Visual cues, no matter what, they are always very helpful.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- What living with the rhythms of the earth and the seasons means
- What it means to align your life with your values
- How to document your family values in a meaningful way
- Discussing your values as co-parents with extended family and caregivers
- Routine vs rhythm, in-breath vs out-breath times and what it all means
- Using visuals to create daily habits
- What it means to be a loving authority
- Being the author of the boundaries that you're holding
- Natural consequences - what they are
- Connecting to something higher than yourself - not necessarily religion
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I cheated a little bit. I looked up the word joy because I told you I really like looking at words. It led me to rejoice, which really made sense to me because when I first read it and thought what's joyful courage? I thought, you know, it's courage to live in that moment. You know, really ground yourself in the present moment. And even if there is suffering around, even if your child is upset and you're holding a space for that, you know, you're really in the moment. And I think that the word rejoice kind of fits in there because it's this sense of gratitude. It's gratitude for the present moment no matter what it's bringing us. So it might not always be this like very happy joy, but it's this sense of gratitude for the present moment and having the courage to try and connect with that as often as we can during the day.
Resources:
Where to find:
Whole Family Rhythms website - Joyful Courage landing page
:::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Hey there!!!
I’d like to start by giving a shout out to the most recent review that the show has received on iTunes – form You are my sunshine
I hear from so many of you about how this podcast support you – if you will, please take the time to write a review – it helps the show in so many ways, one of which is that it makes it more likely to get in front of new listeners!! Thank you –
Myths of Positive Parenting
- That everything is peaceful all the time
PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting styles
Kind AND firm can feel elusive
We are all human beings having a human experience
- That kids don’t get into mischief
Kids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems…. well…. Inconvenient.
Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have.
- That you will enjoy every minute
Uhmmm, who started this rumor?? I guess there are parents out there that truly are in bliss-land all the time when it comes to their kids and parenting. I honestly don’t KNOW them, but maybe they exist. We can love our kids UNCONDITIONALLY, with NO DOUBT, for SURE, AND not enjoy every single minute. AND this does not make us bad parents.
Realities of Positive Parenting
- It takes work
Many of us are coming into parenting with all sorts of baggage, and we are all on different parts of the journey of self awareness. Having children, I think, gives us a choice – 1. Resist growing and evolving and stay stuck in power struggles and pain, or 2. Be open to learning and growing and enjoy a connected relationship with our children.
And being open to learning and growing is no small thing. The journey puts everything that we believe, everything that we know to be true in front of us with the question, “what if this isn’t true?” “what if there is another way to see this?” “what if this is simply MY truth?”
And then we get to decide how tight to hold on, how attached to remain --- its wild!
- It is more about your self regulation than anything else
I read a great article by Mona Delahooke about challenging behavior and self regulation. She says, “Too often what we expect from children makes a false assumption: that children possess “top-down” control that allows them to think about their bodies and minds and control their behaviors. The truth is that may behaviorally challenged children don’t yet have this ability.
Parents tend to believe that if a child sometimes displays control, then the child always has the ability to do so. That mistaken belief reveals an expectation gap—a disparity between adults’ assumptions and a child’s abilities.”
And – “Self-regulation is a developmental process that we can nurture and encourage in one way: through the experience of emotional co-regulation with caring and attuned adults.”
I love this, because it aligns with what I believe – this work is about US getting our shit together. Yes, of course we want the same for our kids AND, like Dr. Delahooke states, it requires parents to be regulated and attuned to their kids. Toddlers to teens, people.
- You child’s behavior is not an accurate indicator of “doing it right”
This is a biggy – all along the way, right? From how they potty train to whether or not they experiment with substances – we are quick to take the blame when things go sideways. And while I DO believe there are ways of being in relationship with our kids that support them in learning and growing, there are also other factors at work – like brain development, temperament, beliefs they have about themselves and others, relationships they are navigating….
What if instead of judging ourselves by our children’s mistakes and mis-steps, we flip the whole thing over and start to tune in with what our relationship with our child is…??
Ask yourself, what does it look like when your child screws up? How are you showing up for them? What are the dots they are connecting? Is there space for them to actually TAKE and HOLD responsibility, or are you, perhaps, unknowingly holding that responsibility?
This has been coming up SO MUCH lately, with the parents in the Parenting Teen Academy that I am running, as well as with private clients AND in my own home. We have a vision for our kids, don’t we? I mean even the most evolved of us want our children to grow into healthy, happy, fulfilled adults, right? How many of us are asking our kids what THEY want? I know that is kind of a “duh” question, but really – WHAT DO THEY WANT?
And I am going to make a very unscientific, not yet backed by science claim, that kids in connected, supportive relationships with their parents, who have a basic idea of what they want, and are allowed to make mistakes, tend to feel that THEIR PATH IS THEIRS THE CREATE AND FOLLOW.
Doesn’t mean they don’t screw up, doesn’t mean they don’t feel the tension of failure – BUT THIS IS WHERE LIFE SKILLS GROW!! We learn through our experiences – and the learning goes next level when there is also someone there to love and support us when we flail
- It is messy
Period. It just is. And even the people that you know who really have it together experience the messiness in one way or another. Doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of love. The messiness is a part of the territory, people, so grab a meditation cushion and settle in for the ride.
I say it all the time – I learned it from my friend and mentor, Jody McVittie – the most powerful tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship with nurture with our kids.
And I have a special message for those of you with teenagers right now – there isn’t time to dick around. IF you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, if you are feeling worried or scared about where you are at, if you feel like maybe you’ve missed the window, YOU HAVE NOT. There is room for you to learn some new tools, there is time to rebuild relationship. You owe it to your kids to try something new and different.
The Parenting Teens Academy is all about this! It is a VALUABLE 4 weeks of community and content DESIGNED to support you in growing connection and responsibility in your home.
Each week you get:
- Positive Discipline philosophy and strategies, as well as content around personal growth, to weave into your daily life.
- You get to be a part of a like minded group of parents who are IN IT WITH YOU and supporting you along the way.
- You get and hour long one on one call where you and I get to focus directly on what is most important to you right now, with actionable steps for following through with the learning.
- You get the ENTIRE Parenting Teens with PD Audio Summit as a resource to keep forever
But you have to apply before April 7th.
I am capping the program at 20 participants, and applications are already coming in. I want to be sure that we are a good fit, and that you are ready to do the work and be a part of the community.
If you’ve made it this far, I am going be direct and just say – apply now.
Here is what current participants are saying:
“I am using the content daily and I am feeling like the house and kids are happy for it!”
“There have been so many "ahas" in this program! The things my teen is going through is exactly what he's supposed to be experiencing. Though many of his behaviors are challenging right now, they will serve him well as he becomes independent. A lot of my behaviors are because I have been taking these changes personally and because of fear, and my response is the part of the equation that I can control. Looking closely at my own behavior and gradually making changes to my approach will help me build and maintain a positive relationship with my teen.”
“I have so much confidence in Casey's leadership. It feels very vulnerable to discuss our family challenges with others and dig into my own emotionally raw places. Casey has created a safe and supportive class environment by sharing her own experiences, wisdom and vulnerability while setting expectations of confidentiality and trust within our group.”
I am going to be unapologetic about encouraging you to apply now for this program. It is making a HUGE difference in the lives of parents, and I really don’t want you to miss your chance!!
Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt for more info and to apply. You will also find testimonials there, and FAQs - That is www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt - you will NOT be sorry. Again, I am taking applications through April 7th and the four week program begins Monday, May 6th.
CAN”T WAIT!!
Tune in again next week – I will be sharing an interview with Meagan Wilson – you may know her from Whole Family Rythms. She and I talk a lot about finding and creating flow in the routines of our family. LOVED this convo – until then – BIG LOVE!!
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
:::::
Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens
SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.
Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.
For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt
"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Dr. Sarah Bergman Lewis. Before attending medical school ,Sarah helped to found a middle school called the Seattle Girls' School. As part of her 5 years with the Seattle girls' school she did admission and taught 6th grade Sarah attended University of Washington Medical School. She completed her pediatric residency at Seattle Children's, has worked in urgent care at Seattle Children's Hospital, then as a primary care physician.
She and her family later travelled to Guatemala for 3 months where she worked in a local hospital and her kids attended school. Her family will return again this year for a visit and to help launch a partnership between a group of Seattle pediatricians and the Guatemalan hospital.
Outside of works there is pursuing her yoga teaching training certificate and enjoys learning about sharing Integrative Medicine tools with her patients as part of a collaboration between Odessa Brown Children's Clinic and Arc of King County. She is helping devise the curriculum for a mindful self compassion course for Spanish speaking parents which she will co-facilitate in the spring.
Her husband Steve is a nonprofit executive director. She is a mom of two delightful children. Today we are talking about navigating our own self-healing. Join us!
"What child needs most is to have a whole adult in their lives”
“Parenting pushes us to our limits. It challenges our core beliefs and just really pushes us in all aspects of our life like no other arena.”
“Part of navigating parenting is being able to identify why we do what we do and how we feel what we feel and how we are expressing it day to day.”
“Early childhood experiences matter and it matters in a very deep way.”
“The ‘why’ matters.”
“What happens from here is really the most important part.”
“This healing is for everyone.”
“Behavior really is always you know movement towards belonging”
“These things are both universal and deeply personal.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Parenting from wholeness, not fear
- Adverse childhood events and how they affect parents and parenting
- Adverse childhood events study explained
- The dose response effect to adverse childhood events
- How ACE scores impact health (physical and mental) risks
The shadow side of resilience - Behavior as a solution to a problem we don’t know about
- Epigenetics, what is it and what does it have to do with behavior?
- Being aware of what drives our internal “shark music”
- Exercising self-compassion around when you’re going to work on your issues
- How the way we talk to ourselves impacts how we talk to people in our family
- What embodiment means
- Encouraging embodiment in our kids
- Guiding conversations about embodiment
- Discussing screen time with our kids
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Oh gosh so joyful courage to me means being all in, you know, with the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful as Glennon Melton Doyle calls it. It is being willing to feel that discomfort and really trusting that it's going to go to a better place and that it does give you those really joyful moments and those transformative moments even if it, so my my daughter the other day as we were leaving, you know, I was being less than ideal, less than my best self going out the door and she looked at me and she said “Remember, mom, peace begins with me.” and I was like “Oh shoot!” But it’s so true and you know, it's like, we’re going to be okay.
Resources:
ACE Score Resources
Where to find Dr. Sarah:
Email sarahberganlewis@gmail.com
:::::
Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens
SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting.
Applications are available now through April 7th.
The program will run form May 6th through May 31st.
For more information and to apply go to
www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt
"This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful."
- Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
"I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!"
- Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
First – let me tell you how much I love the show, Parenthood, on Netflix....
Casey is on solo with you today digging into what it means to trust the process in the context of parenting, Positive Discipline, and leaning on our relationship as the most powerful way to influence our kids behavior.
What does this mean?
- Hitting stage
- Homework stage
The relationships/ life skill development journey
When we are stuck in a place with our kids it is easy to believe that it will “always be like this”
- Change happens over time
- If we want something to be different we have to BE different
- The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time
- All it take is one person to change the dance (YOU)
- The dance we do with our kids has explicit steps, well choreographed over time
What it means to be in an honest open relationship with your children
- What can feel like the dark side
- Curiosity and stalling when you don’t know what to do
- Notice your fear and let it guide you to pausing
- Gather your resources
- Listen to your gut
How to voice concerns without blaming or condemning (thermometer activity)
- Encouraging vs discouraging out kids
- When they are discouraged by OUR behavior they shift OUT OF taking responsibility or even thinking about their own behavior
::::
Authentic Parenting Conference
Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!!
I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire.
If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!!
Come play with me!!
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Bonnie J. Rough, who is an author, journalist, and speaker focusing on families, health, education, parenting and sexuality. Her latest book is Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality. has written recently for the New York Times on teaching young children about boundaries and consent and the value of childhood crushes, The Atlantic on both the link between sex ed and gender equality and improving school sex ed, the Washington Post on why it’s important to teach sex ed in mixed-gender groups, and New York Magazine on raising kids without sexual shame. Join us!
"What I learned is that the focus on helping kids wait longer is really not and should not be the end all. It’s really more about how can we prepare them to have a positive experience.”
“The Dutch parents who I met and the American ones too who have inspired me on this really are prioritizing their relationship with their kids over their ideals about what and when their kids will do things.”
“If we have those open lines of communication we actually have more control than if we forbid.”
“The more open and transparent we can be with our kids the better.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Cultural differences between the US and Amsterdam around gender equality, nudity, and sexuality
- Normalizing conversations about sexuality
- Separating nudity from eroticism
- Differences in sexual health outcomes between US and Dutch teenagers
- Ways to keep lines of communication open with your kids
- Double standards applied to boys and girls
- Why helping your child maintain cross-gender friendships
- The importance of knowing your kids’ friends
- What the research says about teenage sex
- What to do when you feel you’re late to the party in talking to your kids about sex
- The importance of not having an agenda when having those curious conversations with kids
- Owning when we feel awkward or uncomfortable
- Navigating fear and baggage to become available for conversations with our kids
- Expanding our own knowledge base to have better conversations
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Oh my gosh, to me joyful courage is all about that permission, that freeing sense of permission that I got from observing parents who knew that, you know, making little mistakes in a day to day conversation with our kids about healthy sexuality, it's meaningless, those little mistakes. The big thing that we're doing right, you know, having an interest in relating with them on the subject and so when I realize that, you know, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them too much, it's not a thing to damage our kids by telling them something that wasn't accurate one day and coming back, circling back to it another day. It's, you know, knowing that I could be gentle with myself and that we can actually have fun with the conversation once they kind of got to just be a thread through our normal life, you know, basically joyful courage for me is about going headlong into it, you know, with optimism and cheerfulness and hope and trust.
Resources:
Beyond Birds & Bees: Bringing Home a New Message to Our Kids about Sex, Love, and Equality
Where to find Bonnie:
::::
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
** This will only remain available for a limited time **
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
How we influence the iceberg
Clients come to me to talk about kids behavior
- Battles over homework
- Power struggles
- Screen time addiction
- Getting out the door
- We are mega focused on fixing those problems
The iceberg- behavior we see is a solution to a problem that we may or may not know about
Example that we played with a few weeks ago in parenting class:
Child won’t get ready to go in the morning and family is late getting out the door
- Two options for response:
- What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
- Bribes, threats, punishments
- What is happening for this child that is getting in the way?
- What do I have to do to this kid to get her to cooperate?
Go to the source
- Tell me about the mornings…. I notice that…. How are you feeling…..
- With new information you can make a plan together to support the child (and you)n in doing better
Transparency
- Rowan talking about the future
- Agitated, closed off, defensive
- Often my response is irritated that she cant “have” the convo
- We both are discouraged and the convo is over
- Maybe I am engaging the wrong conversation
- Helpful to know what shows up for her when the invitation is to talk about future
- What is the experience?
- IS it only with me or others?
- Might there be a benefit to talking with someone else if not me?
- What would be useful about having a vision of the future?
- Deeper even still
- I notice when this is the conversation you….. I am curious about that? How does it feel when…..?
Sometimes our kids refuse to go there….
- How do we let go?
- What do they need?
- Recognizing/acknowledging our tendency to hold on/get rigid/ let fear or our agenda drive us….
- Mutual respect – respect for child and for self and the situation
- Honor who they are and their temperament
- I am ALL IN, lets go deep and swirl around and grow and learn and be super transparent and get it all out – don’t hold back. I process out loud and in the moment…. This is not the way of everyone, def not my daughter.
Summing it up:
- Recognize how we are contributing to challenges
- Own it, and get curious about your child’s experience.
- Identify the ACTUAL problem
- Be an open, nonjudgmental listener
- Look for solutions (related respectful reasonable helpful)
- Be respectful
- Honor who you child is in word and action
Before I go….
I have a really exciting update on my BOOK!!
Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey
This is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child.
Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers.
Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!!
The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join
Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!!
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Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Today’s guest is Sid Garza-Hillman, who is a podcaster and youtuber. He's the author of Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto and Raising Healthy Parents, Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family. Sid graduated from UCLA with a BA in philosophy and is a public speaker, certified nutritionist and Small Steps Coach. He teaches people around the world his unique small steps approach to healthy living at www.smallsteppers.com. His latest podcast, What Sid Thinks is currently available on iTunes. Sid is the Wellness Programs Director at the Stanford Inn Eco Resort. He's an ultra runner and race director for the Mendocino coast 50k trail ultra marathon. Join us!
"However you want to parent, you can't pull that off unless you're feeling good in your life”
“If we can sort of tip the scales in our favor most of the time, then we win the day”
“We are not robots. Our kids aren't robots. We're humans with human emotions and experiences and lenses and it's just so messy.”
“If we can really focus on how we be and how we show up, that's going to inspire, inform, empower and influence what we do.”
“Maybe the perfect version of the human being is one that that is about self care and compassion and has a core of ethic that informs their actions most of the time. ”
“Who am I at my best?”
“You've been defining yourself by how you've been in the external world, when that's been in complete conflict with actually what you stand for and what you value.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Breaking old patterns and habits - managing expectations
- The knowledge and implementation gap
- Small Stepping - what is it and what does
- Are poor choices your problem or your solution?
- Finding ways to manage stress and making choices to increase the likelihood of success
- Dissipating stress - making healthier choices to do so
- Setting the stage for actual change vs relying on willpower
- Identifying who you are as a parent
- Reminding yourself of who you are
- Change as a process of coming into alignment with who you really are
- Mistakes as a way to model the human experience
- Dealing with making mistakes with your kids
- What is a small step?
- The Goldilocks effect of stress - what is it and how do you find it??
- The value of outside interests in parenting and relationships
- The role of joy in how you show up as a parent
- Finding 10 minute pockets of joy and what to fill it with
- The role of self care in our attitude towards parenting
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I would say even people who listen to your podcast, I would say people who, who are even thinking about making improvements as a parent, there was a huge, to me, an inspiring level of courage there that we are saying in the midst of a very challenging world, that's all I'm sure has always been challenging, but we always think this is the most challenging, but for whatever reasons it seems challenging. Yet in spite of that and in spite of the things we read on the news about horrible things that happen in schools and all these kinds of things, in spite of that we're showing up and we're taking our kids and we're doing the best we can and we want to do better. And there's an amazing amount of courage in that simply that decision then to take that further and say, I not only want it, but I want to do it is again, it actually is courageous in the real true meaning of the word. Where I see joyful part of that is to me, my interpretation of that is that it is all to the end of joy, it is all to the end of we do this because we love our kids and we do this because we want to have a meaningful life. And that includes raising families, for many people. And you know, the most meaningful thing for me is raising my children and like we talked about before, you know, letting them see my flaws and letting and my wife letting them see her flaws and understanding there's a certain beauty in that and a joy in that and growing strong kids to be okay with their flaws is just awesome. So anyway, that's where I see joyful courage.
Resources:
Raising Healthy Parents: Small Steps, Less Stress and a Thriving Family
Approaching the Natural: A Health Manifesto
Where to find Sid:
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::::
Snowy February in Washington state – wowzer!
Today I am talking about screens and technology
Exciting news- Lisa Damour, author of Untangled and new book Under Pressure: Confronting the epidemic of stress and anxiety in girls
- Big deal
- How I get guests
- How many say no
My book has a launch date!!
- Presale April 10th
- Official Launch May 20th
- Join newsletter to keep up with all of the book news and the incentives I am putting together for those of you that choose into presale
- Just go to joyfulcourage.com/join
iTunes Reviews!!!
- From January, a five star review from @chrisnjess – “I found you through Birds and bees and kids and as your podcast began, it was as if you were speaking from my own mothering journey. I feel as if you are another angel in my continuing mothering journey. I found your podcast episode bery insightful, information, and affirming. I am tuning in!!
- Thank you @chrisnjess!!!! And you all know how much I love Amy Lang from Birds and Bees and kids – did you know she started a podcast too? It’s called “Just say this” - Check it out on itunes or wherever you are listening to podcasts
- The podcast also received a five star review earlier this month from @urfmama – “ Casey is like my long lost sister that I’ve never met. Like minded is an understatement. When I was feeling down with my mothering I searched “positive Discipline” in podcasts and eureka! Joyful Courage appeared like a bright star in the dark night. I eat this podcast up, I tell every parent I know about it. I find myself nodding while I listen as I do my housework. I feel like my hand is being held and I ‘m gently being led through this incredibly strategic yet unpredictable “chess game” of parenting. Do yourself a favor and soak in the wisdom that Joyful Courage so generously shares. Thank you, Casey, much love from the heartland.”
- THANK YOU @URFMAMA – one day, one day our paths will cross.
- YES! Thank you to everyone that is jumping into itunes to leave reviews – this helps with my visibility – meaning more people are likely to find me – and it also just FEELS SO GOOD to read and know that what I am doing over here in the guest room of my house MATTERS.
Ok…. On to todays content.
Screens
Why?
- It is coming up in the Joyful Courage Parents of Teens community, it is coming up in calls with clients, it is coming up in my own life and practice with my kids
- FOR CERTAIN: it is a big pain in the ass
Today I am going to share and inquiry from my own experience – not because I know the way, or I have it all figured out, but because I am IN IT with you.
- Remember last April when I had Dr. Delaney Runston on and we talked about her documentary, Screenagers? There are so many pearls of wisdom and research in my convo with her – be sure to listen or relisten - http://www.joyfulcourage.com/podcast/140
- I also had a powerful conversation with one of my colleagues, a positive discipline Lead trainer, about this during the teen summit, which is available to invest in through the end of this month at joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
- I spoke with Kim Muench about this back in episode 82 – Parenting in the Age of Smart phones…
- Plus, it has come up in loads of other conversations
- IT’S NOT GOING AWAY
Here are some of the pain points I am hearing from the community AND experiencing myself:
- Limits and boundaries
- How much to monitor
- Broken agreements
- The arguing
- The internet is forever
- How will they develop real relationship skills when everything is over text/IM/Snaps
- Online/SM bullying
- Sexting/nudes
- How much time is too much time to be on their phones
- How to be the lone parents who waits to get their child a phone
- How to support kids with friends when they don’t have SM/phones
- Restricting what they do/see on their devices
- Begin real and honest about our OWN (parents) phone use
- Using devices as avoidance/escape
Let’s check in with the kids:
- How did you feel about making agreements about screens?
- What is your experience with social media?
- What do you not like about the phone and SM? What kinds of things do you see happening?
- Where do you feel like it gets in the way of life? Or do you?
- What do you like about it?
- How do you feel about me when I am on your case about your phone use?
- What do you see me modeling with my phone use?
- You have some restrictions on your phone – is that helpful?
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Oren Jay Sofer, the author of Say What You Mean - A Mindful Approach to Non-Violent Communication. He leads retreats and workshops on mindful communication at meditation centres and education settings around the US. Oren is a graduate of the IMS Spirit Rock teacher training program. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University, teaches in the Insight Meditation community and is a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner and a certified trainer of non-violent communication. Oren creates mindfulness training programs for a number of organizations including Mindful Schools, Kaiser Permanente, and 10% Happier. He lives in Richmond, California. Join us!
"If we can’t actually listen to each other and have a meaningful conversation when we disagree, it’s impossible to work together to address the challenges that we’re facing”
“We can’t wait for the opportunities where presence is needed to practice presence.”
“Even when we can't meet our child's needs we can help them to know and recognize that their needs matter to us.”
“Our feelings are a reflection of our needs.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- Being in response vs reaction
- Communication as a way of navigating conflict mindfully
- 3 foundations for successful conversations and effective communication
- The role of presence in communication
- The ambient stress of raising a child
- Owning our responses in times of stress
- Exercising self-compassion in relation to parenting-related stress
- Integrating moments of awareness into your day
- Creating daily rituals into mindfulness
- Mindfulness as a way to mitigate cumulative stress
- Mindfulness as a way to be present in our relationships
- Mindfulness as awareness and a way to raise our baseline kindness and presence
- Preparing for parenting with mindfulness through practicing
- Practice as a way of creating a new way of being
- Creating awareness of the impact of our actions on others
- Discussing our needs instead of blame
- Being realistic about our ability to meet all of our child’s needs
- Intention in communication and mindfulness
- Approaching communication from a place of curiosity and care
- Curiosity as a way of being
- The need for intention to be genuine
- Feelings of a reflection of needs
- Increasing emotional literacy to enhance communication
- Helping children to problem solve as an alternative to “consequences”
- Connecting before correcting
- Conflict as an opportunity for learning
- Where to start when you realize you need to improve your communication
- Learning to pause, be curious and consider the needs of others
- Connection through perspective shift
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
So I think what joyful courage means to me is it's rooted in the recognition that the places that we struggle, the places that we're scared of the places that we feel pain actually hold the precious gift of our own freedom and when we recognize that having the courage to turn towards those places and to actually include them in our life and learn from them becomes a process that's joyful because we know why we're doing it. It's not just about “I've got to trudge through this” but we've experienced to some degree and have a deep faith that there's there's actually a gift waiting for me on the other side.
Resources:
Text “guided” 44222 to sign up for a short ebook and free guided meditation series
Where to find Oren:
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Recap of the summit
- What happens when we start having real conversations?
- Community/support
- Seeing participants in real life
- Recognizing our attachments and course correcting
- Gratitude to guests
- Gratitude to participants
- $109 and it is your for eva
Saw Brene Brown
- Seen before
- Appreciate her realness
- Familiar stories
- Story of daughter swimming and conversation around being brave IS winning
- Are these the conversations we are having with our kids? Are we explicit?
What we notice and what we speak
- Life skills/qualities
- Negativity bias
- How often they ARE using tools/skills – it’s just when they don’t if feels so PAINFUL
- Our expectation of mastery
- Layers going on under the surface (meaning of behavior with Alison Smith 110, Iceberg Metaphor solo show 129)
What it takes to stay focused under the surface
- Vulnerability and humility – it may not be about you
- Faith
- Trust/surrender – let go of your attachment to how you think it should be, and also the idea that you KNOW what’s happening for your child when they haven’t expressed it
- The idea that all humans ultimately want connecting and to know they matter. All of them. We are hard wired to connect
Our language and messages:
- Week three at MMS we dug into encouragement vs praise
- Process oriented
- Really seeing the child
- Naming qualities with evidence
- My story this morning with the waffles and “what do I do with the mix?”
- I notice, I appreciate, I trust/know/have faith
- Not for the short term/immediate – but for the long term, internal voice (ep 136 with Kelly Bos about how NOT to become the voice of your child’s inner critic) it is about below the surface, about supporting our kids in changing what they believe about themselves
I am going to do a webinar this month in the Patreon community to diver deeper into encouragement and I hope you join in! The Joyful Courage Super Fam is a group of parents who are giving $10/month to the podcast to support in the sustainability and create a win/win. Members of the community enjoy monthly webinars and online support through our closed facebook page. Check it out at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage
Have a beautiful week my friends!! I am going to be watching my tone this week and really working on the sometimes unspoken messages I am sending to my kids when I am less than mindful of what I am doing – and clean up any messes along the way.
Big love!!
:::::
Buy the Parenting Teen Audio Summit!
The Parenting Teens With Positive Discipline Audio Summit is a deep dive into the messiness of parenting through the teen years and beyond. Each of the featured guests speaks candidly from both their wisdom as parent educators, as well as their real life experience of raising their own teens.
Check it out – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Rachel Butler. She is an executive and professional coach, an organizational health expert, a wife and mother of 2 boys she is one of those unique women who is both powerhouse and presence. She's a master in organizational systems and she's worked with over 325 organizations. Rachel embodies what it means to be an empowered woman and a conscious mom. Rachel and her mama business partner Gillian Rowinski are the voices behind Unlearning SuperMom a feminist website that supports equal rights and opportunities for women and empowering all of us. We will be discussing Unlearning SuperMom. Join us!
"Our culture has clearly defined what being a good mom should look like and it is oppressive. The martyrdom of being busy, being agreeable, putting everyone else first, running yourself ragged. If super mom is who we become when we are in this world with our eyes closed then unlearning her is a deeply courageous feminist act.”
“Are we doing it because it's a “should” or are we doing it because it’s something that brings us joy?”
“It’s really hard not to get into comparison-itis.”
“I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-The impact of childcare costs on returning to work for moms
-The emotional conflict about returning to work
-Keeping it real as a mom
-Who is super mom and where does she come from?
-Re-learning our inherent self-worth that is not based in accomplishment
-Motherhood and martyrdom: when we put ourselves last
-Motherhood messaging and where it comes from
-History of motherhood and women’s work
-The perceived value of women based on their relationship with their children
-Child centred social media messages and guilt
-The value of the messy middle
-Being aware of social media messaging and how it impacts us
-Where do you start unlearning super mom?
-Ways to dip your toe in to shifting towards unlearning super mom
-Stages of learning from awareness
-The mental load we carry
-Checking in with your body
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
I think one of the phrases that most triggering, I already even brought it up in this conversation, the triggering for me as a parent is like "Oh, just like enjoy every moment. It goes by so fast" that statement brings so much anxiety to me and I really understand the intention of it. I do. But for me and I feel like I'm, you know, I'm someone who's like maybe even obsessively working towards like enjoying, you know, trying to be with my kids and you know, so I find it really and I'm sort of a nostalgic person anyway. So anyway, I get a lot of anxiety from that statement and so I sort of reject that idea that the major measure of success in parenting is enjoying it, you know.
So I think from, you know, the most impactful things, you know, profound things that I've learned as a parent has really come from, like, the more painful moments of the parent, like some of the suffering that's come, you know, and what I've been able to learn from that and being able to sort of meet it, you know, meet and face all of the really messy stuff and and I think that really is courage, right, like coming up to that really scary, whether it's personal work or complex relationships or whatever and showing up for them.
So I think the, you know, joyful courage to me in that context is really about looking for the meaning and just showing up in your life and allowing that to not, you know, that what's there to not be good or bad, you know and not treating happiness like it's the pinnacle of life experience.
Resources:
Where to find Sara:
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Join the Patreon Community!
Being a patron is giving back. Patrons pledge financial support that goes directly into the production of this podcast. You can pledge $1, $5, or $10/month – whatever works for you, and know that it is a WIN WIN!! YOU exchanging energy with ME – can I get a big YES?!
THANK YOU to everyone who has already become a parton, your support is so appreciated!!
Don’t wait, head over to http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourageand sign up today
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today is a solo show all about being the calm inside the storm. That is the dream, isn’t it?? Listen in as I tease apart what this means and offer ideas and strategies around hwo to get there more often.
· Parenting class
· Summit
· Podcast conversations
· E+R=O
· Events and experiences…. 3 Bs
· What if nothing changes?
· What if all we have is how we feel inside of the experience?
· What do we want to BE/FEEL/CREATE??
· Feedback matters – internal vs external validation
· Parenting is a PART of our life that can feel like our WHOLE life
· Energy of emotion
· Personal work, small steps with Sid, ACES with Sarah – unlearning supermom
· Stuck in what it should look like
· What about acceptance of what is? What about surrender to not knowing the outcome?
· Influence yes. Hard work and practice, yes.
· AND you decide how to respond from life --- worry fear, that is the present moment experience you create. Openness, love, that is the present moment experience you create.
· Think about, bring about – energetically we are always influencing our life, our experience
:::
Audio summit for parents of teens
- One week of real conversations
- PD trainers who have already been through it
- The launch starts January 1st
- Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Join Patreon
Sign up to be a part of the Patreon community today!! You will enjoy monthly webinars, online coaching and support from a caring community of like minded parents.
Click here for more information.
:::
Today’s guest is Sara Harvey Yao. Sara is a leadership consultant who has developed more than 4,000 leaders across the globe. She specializes in helping leaders navigate pressure and stress by staying present in the moment. Sara is the author of two books, Get Present and Drop In. She’s the mother of two teen boys and can speak firsthand to how the power of presence can transform the parenting experience. We will be discussing. Join us!
"Naming feelings opens the doorways for the energy of emotion to metabolize.”
“When we’re in emotion, we’re in a different part of our brain than the language center so it’s often hard to articulate what we’re feeling.”
“Anger...is a signal fire. Something is going on here. It’s a sign your boundaries have been crossed.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-How naming emotions helps us process them
-Facilitating our movement through emotions in the parenting journey
-The power of acknowledging, even to ourselves, when we are struggling
-Feeling vs thinking
-Attitudes and beliefs about feelings that contribute to feeling “stuck”
-Helping our kids name and process feelings and the role of modeling
-Normalizing emotions for our kids
-Anger as a secondary emotion
-What’s really under anger
-Exploring our triggers and where our feelings are coming from
-Establishing a common language with your kids to discuss feelings
-How to support ourselves and our kids to regulate emotions
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
The courage to try something new and if that’s new to, I’m going to try a new parenting technique, if that means I’m going to sit with a feeling instead of stuffing it, I’m actually going to say something instead of not saying something, any new behavior to me takes deep, deep, deep courage and when we take those leaps into courage, for me it always ends up being really joyful. There’s such an empowered, a sense of empowerment and it leads to new opportunities or new directions that I might not have known about if I hadn’t been courageous. So those two words fit so beautifully together, it’s just joyful courageousness when we try something new.
Resources:
Listen to past show with Sara: Episode 68
Listen to Mindfulness Min Summit
Where to find Sara:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | LinkedIn
:::
Audio Summit for Parents of Teens
-
One week of real conversations
-
PD trainers who have already been through it
-
The launch starts January 1st
-
Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Eps 169
Happy New Year!!
Hope everyone had an easy breezy holiday. Grateful to friends and family and all the ways we were supported to enjoy the season.
So much to be excited about.
I want to share a couple of reviews that came through Apple Podcast last month– I am always so grateful when you all are willing to show up there and provide feedback.
This is the podcast I recommend most to friends. Casey has such a great way of breaking down parenthood challenges and offering tips and commiseration with humility. She doesn’t come across as preachy and she is in it with us! Her guests are phenomenal, her interviewing skills are wonderful and her solo show insights always resonate! She’s experiences the humility of parenthood at all stages and it’s evident she truly wants to help. Thank you, Casey! - Cassthurston
I’m a new listener and found you through your excellent Tina Payne Bryson interview. Just listened to your 2018 recap epsiode, as well. Great work! I’ve subscribed and will be a regular listener. I also look forward to reading your book! Thank you for your excellent, realistic parenting insights! – GAC Sunshine
Thank you so much, you two!! And listeners, if you’d like to rate and review the show, I am going to be sharing reviews here – you may hear your name!!! I am really going to be encouraging you all to be sharing the show. I know that the content of this podcast Is useful – you tell me so!!! And I want as many parents as possible to be listening in. This is how we raise a generation that can lead with compassion and integrity - by parenting this way. So in this context, parenting IS social justice. Lets all be a part of changing the course by not only doing our own work to be more attuned and empathetic parents, but to support others in the work as well!
This is something I will be talking a lot about in 2019. Compassion and integrity. And our DUTY to be engaging in conversations that support and forward others this way too! It can feel vulnerable and scary – but too bad. It has to happen.
Speaking of compassion and integrity – and for the sake of the conversation, I define compassion as sympathetic consciousness of another persons suffering and integrity as being honest, decent, and walking our talk – these are two big themes that I want to highlight this year – both in my personal practice of being a parent and a human on the planey, as well as with the people I work with and all of you.
Compassion and integrity.
Today, I am going to share a bit about a book I am reading that is really blowing my mind, it is called The Path is Everywhere; uncovering the jewels hidden within you, by Matt Lacata. If you’ve listened to the show for very long, you know that I love my energy worker/reiki master friend (shout out to Jessica) and she has turned me on to the work of Matt. I am using this book as part of my soul care time, reading a few pages in the morning to gather inspiration.
I am not very far into the book, and what I read this morning gave me pause and I decided that now would be the perfect time to bring it here to discuss with all of you.
The first part of the book is about what the author calls our “shadow” – this is the part of ourselves that lays dormant until it is jostled into wakefulness. Another way to make sense of it is the way that we feel when we are triggered. Our shadow is who takes over when we are riding the emotional freight train. The parts of ourselves that we may cloak in shame or guilt – the parts that we keep hidden.
Most of us have a tendency to want to hide our shadow, keep it deep inside of ourselves, not let it see the light of day. Many of us may think we are pretty successful with this – until we aren’t. A lot of the clients I see come to me because their shadow is making appearances in the parenting journey and they want to fix it, they want to make it go away.
I have a shadow as well – she wants control and order, she wants to know the outcome, and she wants everyone to be on her agenda. My shadow takes the behavior of others deeply personally, quickly manifesting fear, rejection and disrespect whenever I experience criticism and ridicule.
My shadow, your shadow – our shadows are a part of who we are. And if, like me, you subscribe to life being purposeful, then perhaps our shadow isn’t something that we should turn away from, or get rid of. Perhaps our shadow is something we can turn towards and get curious about.
You all know that I love the personal growth and development conversation. You know that I see parenting as one long personal growth and development workshop. And if you have been listening for any length of time, you know that I am deeply invested in supporting others in doing this work along with me.
This is why I am talking about shadow work today.
Matt Lacata writes:
It is important that we cultivate the intention to become more interested in the truth of our experience than in the demand to find relief from our symptoms.
Putting this in the context of parenting, especially as we look ahead to a brand new year and choosing in to growth and possibility, we can consider the truth of our experiences as taking a magnifying lens to our current struggles – bring in curiosity, ownership, honesty – and ask ourselves questions like: What am I meant to learn here? What is going on for me? What is the emotion that I can connect to right here right now? What is the story I am telling myself about my child? Myself? My safety?
Our response might begin with sounding like: “well, I am pissed!” but what is underneath that? If we get into the blame game, I invite us all to bring it back to a focus on self – because regardless of what triggers our reaction, how we react is wholely ours.
This takes practice friends, and a deep belief that there IS something to be learning from these interactions – faith that we CAN learn. Once we step into that truth – that we are all continuing to learn and evolve, then we can really trust that we can be the parent we want to be.
And what about the “demanding to find relief” part of what Matt wrote? Well we are already pretty skilled at this, aren’t we? Let’s consider some ways we find relief – we yell, we blame, we shame, we withdraw either physically or emotionally, some of us use substances – food, alcohol, drugs – to feel that relief.
And what do we know about all of these ways of relieving the pain and discomfort of our experience – they are short term and harmful to ourselves and others. BUT, they seem/feel easier than facing our shadow, and doing the inner work to grow and learn.
And clearly this is BIG. And it is HARD. And it requires us to decide to choose in time and time again…. AND YOU CAN. And isn’t this the ultimate act of compassion and integrity?? SELF compassion and PERSONAL integrity???
IF this is landing for you – bring it up to your therapist, or hire me to coach you and support you in this work, it is what I do! You don’t have to do this alone – the journey is meant to be traveled with others, IMO.
2019 is a year to walk together – to link arms and be in community. I will share a few ways to do that at the end of this podcast….
On a personal note – I want to share solidarity to all of you that deal with partners overseas and single parents. Ben has left us to do some big work in California on the electrical grid. We don’t know how long the work down there will take – could be months. I know it isn’t the SAME as being a single parent, I know that I have the luxury of knowing my partner will be coming home eventually, but I am looking at an extended period of time holding space for the kids without their dad here….
Clearly I will have ample opportunity to lean into the TRUTH of my experiences vs finding short term relief from what triggers me…
Self care will be crucial. Inviting my kids into more contribution will be crucial – this is a place we have gotten sloppy sloppy. Not that the kids aren’t contributing, just that there is very little structure, which makes me feel crazy and get naggy – no fun for anyone.
So yes, I am sure you will hear me mentioning missing my man over the next little bit….
As far as joyful courage is concerned – WOWZER! So much excitement. I have spent the last few weeks writing, recording and editing the interviews for the FIRST EVER parenting TEENS with Positive Discipline Audio Summit. OMG – it is SO GOOD!! 14 interviews with Positive Discipline Educators, Trainers and Lead Trainers who KNOW the trenches of raising teens. Register now – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit.
You will want to register, as I am going to be offering some sweet deals to those that register early in the month. I am so totally excited – again, the link is www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit . If you are a parent of a teenager, I also encourage you to hop into the Joyful Courage parents of teens FB group – this is a space of support and encouragement from other parents of teens. It is a small but growing group – full of insight and community, check it out.
I am also thrilled to invite you into the Joyful Courage Super Fam through Patreon. This is a group of people who value the podcast so much that they are contributing $10/month and enjoy the benefit of monthly webinars and online support from me. If $10 is to big of a stretch, you are welcome to get in there and contribute what you can. Find out more at www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage.
Ahhhh – it is good to be back!! I missed you in December!!
Stay tuned, next week I will be sharing a powerful interview with return guest, Sarah Harvey Yoa talking about moving through the energy of emotions – the perfect follow up to todays topic!!! Big love!
:::
Audio summit for parents of teens
- One week of real conversations
- PD trainers who have already been through it
- The launch starts January 1st
- Summit will run January 28th – February 1st
REGISTER NOW – www.joyfulcourage.com/teensummit
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Creating a Connected Holiday WEBINAR
Monday, December 3rd, 5pm PST and 8pm PST
How are you FEELING about the upcoming holiday season? Excited to host family? Hopeful to bring to life magic for your kids? Anxious about everything going to according to plan?? Bracing yourself for your children's behavior???
I am feeling all of that.
Join me for an hour of exploring how to create a holiday season that FEELS GOOD this year. You will get clear on what it is your want, and leave with tools that will support you in facilitating a holiday that values the connection and love we all crave during this season.
Go to http://www.joyfulcourage.com/connectholiday to register!
:::
Where we have been:
Podcast highlights
-
Tina Bryson first interview of the year – SO GOOD!
-
Got feisty and real about parenting politics in February
-
Two of my fave “peaceful parenting” experts – Rebeca Eanes and Genevieve Simperingham were on in March and April
-
You all LOVED Mary Tamborsky – daughter of Jane Nelsen coming on talking about being Raised with PD last May
-
My interview with Danielle Slaughter last July about privilege and how white women can do better was super powerful
-
DAN SIEGEL!!!
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This fall has been RICH with interviews about teens, energetic connections, self care, supporting our partners….
-
Not to mention all of the messages I got from you about how much you love the solo shows – thank you for that.
Joyful Courage offers
-
I loved leading the JC10 twice this year and having that filter into the Joyful Courage Academy. So fun to work closer with you and support your growth in a really personal, connected way.
Next year is HUGE
-
Be on the look out for more JC10s and JCAs
-
Stay tuned in for the launch of my first BOOK (woah) in the spring
-
The patreon community will be on FIYA
-
AND – an audio summit that I will talk more about later is happening in January.
I am honored to serve you.
:::
Today’s content:
-
Parenting through the self doubt and worry
-
Parenting teens – why have a separate group?
-
What is missing from the resources?
-
The continuum of behavior
-
Attachment and getting a life
-
Intuition and trusting your gut
-
It gets ugly
-
Feeling isolated/shame/ Lisa Fuller episode 87
-
Why meditation/yoga/journaling matters
-
What it really means to be aware
-
The tight rope Kimberly Muench eps 158
-
Pendulum swing
-
Trust and surrender over and over again
-
It’s a crap shoot – the myth of “good parenting”
-
It’s their journey
:::
Audio summit for parents of teens
-
One week of real conversations
-
PD trainers who have already been through it
-
The launch starts January 1st
-
Summit will run January 21st – 25th
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
:::
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teenagers
Closed FB group for parents of teenagers. Click here to join us!
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Solo show!
News:
- No shows in December, Happy Holidays!
- January
- Parenting Teens Audio Summit, YAY!!
- Launching the first of January – stay tuned to register
- Summit is live January 21st – 25th
- Validation, inspiration, nuggets to PRACTICE
- Patreon
- Woop woop
- Alternative to membership program
- Opportunity to be in exchange of energy
- patreon.com/joyfulcourage
- $1, $5, $10/month options
- $10 private FB group, Chaos to Calm Ecourse, monthly Webinar based on the questions that are coming up in the group
- Parenting Teens Audio Summit, YAY!!
This week’s content:
- Positive parenting is easy when there isn’t a lot of challenge – more challenging when our kids are rubbing up against our triggers
- Toolbox metaphor
- Higher our emotion, more likely we use desperate tools (rewards and punishment)
- The more tools we put in to toolbox, the more likely it is that the ineffective tools of rewards and punishment slide to the bottom
- We can always do better
- Relationship matters!!!!!!
- When our relationships are disconnected, navigating behavior in a harsh way isn’t useful for anyone
- Fear takes us towards harsh punishment
- Mistakes are opportunities to learn
- There are always consequences
- Inviting out kids into relationship
- Can feel uncomfortable
- Taking accountability for how the relationship currently is and get vulnerable
- Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean we stop being curious with our kids
- Start paying attention to the body
- Support ourselves by noticing what is happening inside
- We get more access to our toolbox when we are grounded and neutral
- At the end of the day what is most useful is your relationship
- NOT permission for being a permissive parent – still hold boundaries
- Stronger relationship the more likely your child will open up and talk to you
- Creating an environment where our kids can thrive and be a soft landing when they get it wrong
- Shame/blame does not promote accountability and personal responsibility
:::
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teenagers
Closed FB group for parents of teenagers. Click here to join uss!
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Tammy Keeces, Head of School at Irvine Hebrew Day School, a former teacher, a positive discipline trainer and mama to three teenagers. She has a Bachelor of Psychology from UCLA, a Masters from Columbia University’s Teacher College in Curriculum and Instruction. She’s currently working on her doctorate. We will be discussing responding to tragic events like the Tree of Life Synagogue tragedy, as well as Judaism, positive discipline and how we can all support each other better. Join us!
"None of us should feel alone.”
“People are children and they just want to belong.”
“God gives us many opportunities for goodness and kindness and this is another way for us to remind ourselves that we need to have hope and we need to have love.”
“We have to come together now, more than ever.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
- How Irvine Hebrew Day School handled the tragedy in Pittsburgh
- Developmental appropriate levels of information about tragic events
- Balancing the feelings of parents and children in the wake of tragedy
- Meeting hate with love - finding inner resources in the face of fear
- Ways to encourage our kids to accept others
- The freeing power of compassion
- Parallels between the Torah and positive discipline
- How non-Jewish people can support the Jewish community
- Teaching our kids about leadership and civic responsibility
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
It’s being brave every day, to make the right decisions for ourselves and those that love us and inviting joy despite the challenges, despite the heartache, we have to choose joy and that’s what you’re doing every day with joyful courage and I think that there’s no other way to live our lives at this point.
Resources:
Where to find Irvine Hebrew Day School:
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Jeremy Schneider. Jeremy is a Marriage and Family Therapist whose career spans more than 15 years of working with individuals and families focussing on parenting, relationships and mental health. He is the author of Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots and has been featured on the New York Times, The Today Show and CNN. We will be discussing co-parenting and alignment with our partners. Join us!
"Every step that I take in my personal growth is one less step that they have to take.”
“A lot of parenting is about experimentation.”
“You just get better the more you do it. Just keep trying.”
“We don’t want to be the same parent. We just want to be parenting in the same direction.”
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-Journaling as a way to maintain perspective
-Examining our principles of parenting
-Deciding what kind of people we want to raise
-Personal growth and parenting - how they relate
-Co-parenting and being in alignment with our parents
-Fatherhood and parental involvement of dads
-Finding balance as co-parents in agreeing on a parenting approach
-The importance of parenting education
-Navigating parenting as a dad when you feel uncertain
-How Dads can model emotional expression for their kids
-Approaching our partners with curiosity about their parenting approach
-Parenting as a practice
-Finding harmony in parenting styles
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Having survived a fairly traumatic childhood, I think about courage a lot. I don’t normally think about it in terms of myself and that’s something that I’ve been working on to give myself credit for how far I’ve come and what I’ve been able to do and the kind of relationships I’ve been able to build within my family.
I think Joyful courage is being able to enjoy, not the success, I’m trying to think of the word, being able to bask in this life I’ve built. It took a lot of work to get where I am and my wife and I have worked very hard to get where we are together. And we’ve worked very hard to survive as long as we have with our kids and get this far and I think, to me, one of the phrases that I play a lot in my head is happy chaos. I think of our life as happy chaos.
Chaos doesn’t have to be bad and that’s kind of the way we think about it. My life is chaos, it’s just straight chaotic, because having teenagers and wanting to be there for them and wanting to be there for my wife and build this business and so and so forth; it’s chaos. But it’s a happy chaos because it all involves things that I love.
And to me Joyful Courage has that same kind of feel, right? It’s the freedom, the sort of joyfulness of doing something that takes an enormous effort and overcoming anxiety and fear to be able to do it but that doesn’t mean that it’s bad. It can still be joyful in that experience of it.
Resources:
Fatherhood in 40 Minute Snapshots
Where to find:
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
50% OFF!!
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Solo Show this week!
First – continues thanks for all of the feedback around the last solo show, where I shared about navigating my daughters mental health issues. It means the world to me to know that the content of the show is landing for you, and making a difference in your life.
This week I am talking about our boys.
- Toxic Masculinity
- We have to do better for our boys
- Partners – emotional intelligence is for everyone
- Posturing
- Fragile Egos
- Curiosity
- Routine of talking about how we feel
- It’s not coddling – if we keep toughening them up and having them suppress how they feel we will continue to see cultures where war and violence exist
- Not blaming
- Not from a place of fear
- We all get to be full humans
- Boys and their fear of labels
- Build Skills
- More than just “walk away”
- Saving face w/o being a dick
- Being a champion
- People like him. He can take criticism, doesn’t make people choose friends, and doesn’t blow off someone for a better offer. When people are harassed or demeaned, he intervenes. He’s comfortable hanging out with guys who are both inside and outside the box. He holds his own opinion, but still listens to others.
- TALK ABOUT IT BEING HARD
- VALIDATE THEIR EXPEREINCE
- SUPPORT THEM IN RESPONSES TO LIFE
- This isn’t helicoptering
- Belonging significance influence
- Aren’t feeling it, they will take it where they can
- Posturing
- Insecure OR entitled
- All boys fall into a role where they feel safe
- Talk to your boys
- Keep talking
- Talk about emotions
- Check your “should/shouldn’t’ at the door
- Be open, own your mistakes, encourage them when you see life skills on display
- Love them up
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
50% OFF!!
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Jennifer Griffin. Jennifer is the mother of four, has her masters in counseling psychology with 30 years of experience guiding children and adults on their relationship journeys. Jennifer is a DIY maven, specializing in leading individuals to uncover the messages in their chronic health conditions and their children’s challenging behaviors. Join us!
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-Simple, yet powerful techniques to heal at home
-Taking back your power after trauma
-What is EMDR and how can it help you heal?
- How our kids behaviors can mirror our own unexpressed feelings and frustrations
-How acting out can relate to our own inner struggles
- The iceberg of behavior and how that relates to our children’s behavior and the way they channel their parents frustrations
- Resisting the urge to “fix”
- Understanding generational patterns
- The role of balancing chakras in your child’s behavior
-How claiming our authenticity and expressing our emotions can change how our kids express themselves through their behavior
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
Well, in terms of this process of discovering channeling, it means to go forward with joy and courage, not guilt. Celebrate it, embrace it, as I talked about before, grab your partner, grab someone when your kid is having a fit and say “This is what I’m thinking and I’m thinking this and maybe this and I felt this” and try to go through all the different ideas that might be going on and depending on the relationship with your child, some parents choose to share this dynamic with their child and other parents don’t. It can be very powerful that if your child knows this is going on, they can, Arcata now can come to us after she’s knitting or reading a book on tape in her room and say, “I’m really mad out of nowhere, like I was completely happy, I love the book I’m listening to, something’s not right with dad, and will you call him and ask him what?” She’ll say, “I’m really mad or I really hate this” and she’s like, “and I don’t know why.”
So I would just say, it’s fun, it is fun, it’s a different kind of fun than a lot of people might be used to but it’s fascinating, it’s absolutely fascinating when you start taking this perspective. I mean, it’s hard for me to, I mean, I go out and talk to people, I’ll be at a cocktail party or something and someone’s kid, and I’ll say something and then I’m like, “Hmmmm” and I’ll watch the person’s reaction and I don’t think they’re very happy with something I’ve said and their kid will come up and start tugging at them and be like, “I want to go! I want to go right now! I want to leave!” I was right about that. It’s hard for me not to see once you wake up into this way of viewing the world it’s really quite fascinating. So, meet it with joyful courage.
Resources:
Channeling Questionnaire
Embracing your child’s tantrums as a gift - Elephant Journal article
Where to find:
Understanding Morning Sickness as a Gift
Understanding Your Child as a Spiritual Gift
:::
Joyful Courage Coaching
The time is now! If you are interested in working one on one with me now is the TIME. I am taking new coaching clients and would love to support you! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/coaching and let me know what you need.
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
50% OFF!!
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Solo show – sharing from personal experience
Recap what is happening with my teenager
-
If you listened last year, you heard the struggle
-
Online school
-
Clients I’ve worked with
-
Friends confiding in their experience
What the stats say
-
My experience of finding information
-
What my gut tells me
-
The ways the world has changed
Why it’s so hard
-
Weight of fear/possible outcomes
-
Lack of control
-
Our own stories
PD is belonging and significance
-
Power of perception
-
What do we do when something feels “wrong” without giving message that they need to be fixed
-
The challenge of meeting them where they’re at
-
My experience with this….
-
Not knowing what this means
-
The dance of acting/fixing vs validating/being
-
The iceberg
-
Tip of the iceberg
-
They won’t talk, can’t identify what’s “wrong”, tears, withdrawal, aggression/defiance/anger, shut us out
-
Grades/friends/activities
-
Bad after school special
-
-
Under the surface
-
Hopelessness/fear/not know what or how they are feeling
-
Feelings of disconnection
-
Out of control
-
Anxiety/depression
-
The range….
-
Not all or nothing
-
Grey areas
-
Our own beliefs about mental health
-
My experience, looking back I was afraid to call it what it was because it made it true
-
My upbringing of not using things (family drama) as a “crutch” messaging
-
Enmeshment/codependency
-
I am going to get really vulnerable and highlight something that I see showing up because of the dynamics that are currently alive in my family
-
My experience with needing approval – give me the gold star, tell me how great I am
-
Wanting it from my family, especially my dad and step mom
-
Now noticing that I am searching for it from my daughter
-
NO BUENO
Getting spiritual
-
My experience of energy work in the context of my relationship with Rowan
-
Life happens for us, so…. This is an experience that is happening for me? For Rowie?
Acknowledging my controlling tendencies and the message it sends
Letting go/backing off
Having a plan (with school) about what I will and won’t do with a request
Treatment
-
Counseling, naturopath, energy work – this is what WE are doing
-
You do you. Make choices for your kids.
-
Listen to your kids. Listen deeply. Hear without fixing
-
Ask permission
-
Give them space and trust they will come to you
-
Don’t be afraid to go big if things feel really off
-
Ask hard questions
-
GET SUPPORT
-
TALK TO EACH OTHER
-
Quit dismissing teens by saying “everyone feels that way” because even if it’s true this is not what they need to hear – they NEED to feel seen and heard
-
Check your expectations at the door, accept that this is a part of your parenting story
-
Take care of yourself
-
Check your codependency
-
GET HELP – if your gut tells you that what is happening with your child is extreme, seek help.
I say this to you and to myself. We will get to the other side of this, my friends. And only we get to decide if we get to GO through this time of our lives, or if we GROW through it.
Thank you to all of you parents of teens, those of you who are personal friends who have been brave enough to be in conversation with me, clients, listeners – you are not alone.
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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is an opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
50% OFF!!
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
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Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Today’s guest is Debrena Jackson Gandy, a best-selling author of three books, a keynote speaker, a world traveler, a transformational coach, a thought-leader, a sacred self care expert, relationship coach, founder of Juicy Woman University and The Love Academy. We are discussing creating juicy lives for ourselves. Join us!
What you’ll hear in this episode:
-Pampering the mind, body and the spirit
-The nourishment of the spirit and why it matters
-Why the first 9 years of life are so important to our beliefs
-Getting past our own default mode
-The guilt that comes from tending to self and martyrdom
-When you feel bad about being good to self
-The Sacred Self-Caring lifestyle vs. the lifestyle we inherit through default
-Satisfaction, joy, ease, peace and flow: how to find it
-Finding a new default for sacred self-care
-The difference between the being and the doing - and the exhaustion that comes from all the doing
-Division of responsibility for children within the home between parents - joint responsibility
-How mothering behavior can block fathering and shared parenting
-Being the architect of our own lives
-When your “thought ware” isn’t aligned with being the architect of your own life
-Baby steps to getting back into alignment
-Debugging our programming
-How beliefs impact attraction
-The path to transformation
-Getting curious about beliefs to make changes
-Morning rituals for prayer and meditation
-Discerning God’s voice from your inner self talk
-The importance of asking in prayer
-Understanding our own greatness and how that impacts our ability to live our birthright
What does Joyful Courage mean to you?
“It means living a life based in truth, and unfortunately, to live truthfully and to speak truthfully in this American culture is seen as something as so courageous and it really shouldn’t have to be lauded as a courageous act to be living as a real person. And unfortunately it gets so many applause, “Oh you’re so courageous to say that, oh you’re so courageous to do that, oh you’re so courageous to speak that” and it’s really just called being truthful. And so joyful courage is really just living in our naturally truthful selves and because we’re short on truth right about now, even more so in our country then it lets us know we are living away from and in contradiction to our natural selves which our natural selves are truthful.
So if we’re just our natural selves, truthful is the way we operate. So, a joyfully courageous woman has just remembered who she is and shed the false, poisonous, faulty beliefs about who she is, which are really lies, and she’s just living in the natural beauty, power and influence that is consistent with her divine design.”
Resources:
Free Gifts from Debrena’s website
Debrena’s books, courses and more
Where to find:
Website | Facebook | Twitter | Youtube
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Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
All the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!
:::
Returning to the practice
What Positive Discipline is to me….
- Belong significance
- Iceberg
- Encouragement
- Kind and firm
- Presence/seeing/listening
What I have learned over time
- My own beliefs get in the way
- Fear manifests as control and rigidity
- Trust is the theme of my life
What it means to have a practice
- Taking care of me
- Exploring worthiness
- Developing intention
- Modeling what I want
- Returning to the basics
- Check assumptions
- Read and learn about development!
- What speaks to you???
- So many people and programs…. What/who makes sense to you? Where do you feel seen?
Things to keep in mind
- There is no perfect
- Spirituality/energetics matter – this is bigger than me
- Its messy, not formulaic
- Blame serves no one
- There is no end point
- Finding a sense of peace inside of the chaos is life goals
- Comparing is not useful – ever
You are the parent your child picked, not because you are perfect, but because you are you. Parenting is an opportunity to heal old wounds, to mend relationships, and grow as an individual, if you let it be
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Participants will gain confidence and clarity, as well as practical tools for navigating the parenting journey with love, connection and presence through deepening their understanding of Positive Discipline.
The power and momentum of learning inside of a like-minded community, a safe space where you can stretch, share authentically, and show up vulnerably is hard to quantify. The Joyful Courage Academy was created to be that place for you. It is a deep dive into the work of becoming ever more conscious and intentional as you bump up against the challenges of raising your kids.
Sign up now – www.joyfulcourage.com/academy
:::
Become a Joyful Courage PATRON!
You can now find Joyful Courage at http://www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage and make a contribution to the show that you love! This is a opportunity for you to sign up to make a monthly financial commitment and support the sustainability of the podcast.
:::
50% off all the goods at www.joyfulcourage.com/shop
Intention Bracelets
Back by popular demand!! The Joyful Courage intention bracelets are back in stock and I am THRILLED to have been able to have had the community vote on the reminders that are on them…. Breathe, Pause, Trust, Surrender, Kindness – what do you need?
Daily Intention Cards
What do you think about the Daily Intention Cards??? These cards are designed to support you in your conscious, intentional parenting practice.
Joyful Courage Tanks
Wear your declaration!! Joyful Courage tanks are CUTE and they are a great way to spread the word about this powerful work. Get yours now – good while supplies last!!
:::::
Be a Subscriber
Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!!
CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!